GMAT Essays (AWA)

AWA question:

The following appeared as part of an article reviewing summer camps for children.
Parents, if you need a summer camp for your children look no further than Federville Farms. In a recent survey, Federville Farms ranked first in both overall camper satisfaction and in food quality, and second in the variety of outdoor activities. Federville Farms has been family owned and operated for over forty years, so you have nothing to worry about when it comes to your child's safety, and it employs more Red Cross certified lifeguards than any other camp in the state. If you seek the best camp experience for your children, Federville Farms is the best choice you can make.

Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.

My response below:

In the passage, the author conclude that Federville Farms is best for the summer camp for the children. This is based on the premises that a survey conducted Federville farms was ranked first in overall camper satisfaction and in food quality and second in variety of outdoor activities, and also that this is family owned and fro child safety it employs more Red Cross certified lifeguards than other camps. However, on deeper analysis, it becomes apparent that certain relevant aspects have not been taken into consideration, leading to a number of mistaken assumptions and logical flaws.

one such flaw is, based on some survey author says that camp is good for children without considering the authenticity of the survey and also without telling the scope of that survey, based on some random survey the conclusion can be doubted, In order to strengthen the argument if the author would have included the popularity, authenticity, validity and scope of the survey, the argument would have been more convincing.

Another such flaw is the second argument stating that as Faderville Farms has been family owned and operated for over forty years, there is no worry in joining the camp. we cannot justify the worry if camp is family operated or non-family operated, and if camp is running from old or not, new camps can have much better safety and facility, moreover non-family statement is also does not seems co-relating. This argument could have been more persuasive if the argument would have proven that old camp that are family operated are better than other camps in the area.

One more flaw is stating that if there are more Red Cross Certified lifeguards then other camp the camp is safer, we do not know whether we require any lifeguard or the number of lifeguards needed to deploy in some particular camp. This statement can be justifiable if the Red Cross if needed then how many are apt for the camp is numbered in actual figures or in terms of other measuring factors.

After closer examination of the passage presented, it is apparent that there are several logical flaws. The recommendations in the essay show how the argument may be strengthened and made more logically sound.