GMAT Essays (AWA)

ESSAY QUESTION:
The following appeared in a proposal for a high school's annual fundraising event:

"In order to earn the most money for supplemental school programs, we will have larger and more thrilling rides at this year's School Fair, including a ferris wheel that is twice as tall as last year's ferris wheel. In addition, the game vendors will award more expensive prizes and the food stalls will showcase a variety of upscale international dishes. As a result, we will be able to charge a higher entrance fee and the dollar amount we earn via our commission on the vendors' revenues will be higher than it was last year."

Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. Point out flaws in the argument's logic and analyze the argument's underlying assumptions. In addition, evaluate how supporting evidence is used and what evidence might counter the argument's conclusion. You may also discuss what additional evidence could be used to strengthen the argument or what changes would make the argument more logically sound.


YOUR RESPONSE:
The basis of the author's argument is that having a bigger and, in a sense, grander School Fair, will result in an increase in fundraising from the event. While the general argument of the author makes sense, there are several assumptions that need to be investigated.

The most basic assumption of the argument is that having more thrilling rides, a wider variety of upscale food and more expensive prizes will make the fair more appealing to the fundraising events target demographic. However, more thrilling rides and expensive prizes would in general be more appealing to children (in comparison to adults) and younger adults who may not be able to afford the higher entrance fees charged. On the other hand, a wider variety of upscale international dishes would likely entice a wealthier and more diverse crowd to come to the event.

The author also states that the commission they earn from the vendors' revenues will be higher. While the vendors might make more money per customer, the final number will also depend on the change in the number of customers from last year to this year. Given the increase in the entrance fees, it is entirely possible that significantly fewer people attend this years event. In such a scenario, the overall revenue of vendors this year could be lower than that of last year.

Along the same lines, having a larger ferris wheel and more thrilling rides would also increase the cost of the event. With higher entrance fees this could very well be overcome, but with the expectation that the number of attendees would stay the same or increase over last year.

To strengthen his/her argument, the author should provide more information on several fronts. Concrete numbers on costs and revenues, as well as attendance, from last years fair along with expected numbers from this years fair (taking into account the changes) would be very beneficial in assessing the overall picture. Furthermore, a basic overview of the target demographic for the event, would allow the readers to better judge the chances of success for this years event.

While the author makes a valid argument, it is not possible to entirely agree or disagree with it in the absence of additional evidence. Given that this is a financial decision, more quantitative evidence (as mentioned in the previous paragraph) would be necessary for the reader to support the author's view point.

The most basic assumption of the argument is that having more thrilling rides, a wider variety of upscale food and

by having

Along the same lines, having a larger ferris wheel and more thrilling rides would also increase the cost of the event.

Language and structure is not correct

You need lots of practice. The longer you stretch a sentence, more ambiguous it becomes.

Keep Posting.

Thanks Alex. Looks like I need more practice than I thought for my AWA. Glad that I got the heads up now!

Buy the Arco's book.

Read all the good AWA articles.

Make your own plan or I would say template.

Practice.

Cheers!