GMAT Essays (AWA)

The following appeared as part of an article reviewing summer camps for children.
Parents, if you need a summer camp for your children look no further than Federville Farms. In a recent survey, Federville Farms ranked first in both overall camper satisfaction and in food quality, and second in the variety of outdoor activities. Federville Farms has been family owned and operated for over forty years, so you have nothing to worry about when it comes to your child's safety, and it employs more Red Cross certified lifeguards than any other camp in the state. If you seek the best camp experience for your children, Federville Farms is the best choice you can make.
Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.

My response:

The argument states that Federville is the best summer camp that a parent can send their child to. It is based on a survey which ranks Federville first in both overall camper satisfaction and food quality, and second in the variety of outdoor activities. It also claims that Federville is very secure as it is family owned, over forty years old, and employs more Red Cross certified lifeguards than any other camp in the state. The argument out forth by the author is weak as the survey on which it is based may be rife with inaccuracy. The other supporting evidence does not guarantee that the conclusion made by the author.

First of all, we consider the survey that the author states as evidence in his argument. We know nothing of the circumstances under which this survey was conducted, therefore, it would be wrong to consider the ranking given by the survey as a reliable source of information. For instance, the sample size of the survey could have been too small, and thus, the result would be inconclusive. Moreover, the people who were surveyed could consist primarily of people who are biased toward Federville Farms. For instance, the group surveyed could have been a bunch of kids that have only gone for Federville camps. We don't even know if the survey has been tampered with. It is not uncommon to find rankings that a company or institution pays for to be given a hig rank.

Also, the author says that since Federville is family owned and over forty years old, the camp is very secure. However, the basis on which the conclusion follows is unclear and not obvious. But even if a direct correlation existed between age of a camp and its level of security, there may be older camps than Federville. Hence, Federville may not be the safest camp.

The argument only says the that Federville has more Red Cross certified guards than any other camps in the state. But what of camps outside that state? Also, Federville may be the only camp in that state and thus the claim would be irrelevant.