GMAT Essays (AWA)

"In some countries, television and radio programs are carefully censored for offensive language and behavior. In other countries, there is little to no censorship."

Censorship of radio and television is an important topic that can be both a positive and a negative depending on the type of content restricted. I would agree with censorship for educational purposes, but I would disagree with some of the various types of political censorship.

Censorship for language and offensive behavior in television is apparent in various forms and is very important for educational purposes. For example, technological advancement can help parents exercise some control while at work by restricting certain channels and/or shows. Broadcasting authorities complement these efforts by supervising radio shows and restricting some of the shows with offensive language. And, controlling airing hours of certain shows that are rated for adults is another tool used by authorities to control content. In a world of declining morals and values, it is vital that media content is controlled and supervised.

However, censorship in politics is not always correct, but can still be exercised by the authorities. In western countries, it can be a breach of statues of freedom of speech and information. But, periodic censorship of media by the USA's authorities in the Iraqi war can show an exception to the rule, a case where censorship is highly controversial. The public has the right to know is the going theme. However, statues of freedom of speech and information can be interpreted and manipulated to fit the need of either party. On the other hand, cases where censorship is directed by the government to serve the political agenda of one party, is much less controversial. For instance, restricted media content and even internet content during riots in Middle Eastern countries (Syria or Iran following the elections serve as an example) is flawed and promotes the agenda of the ruling party and completely disregards the public's rights.

Media censorship is available in many forms. On the one hand, censoring media for educational purposes is an imperative positive in a world with declining morals and values and on the other hand, censoring media for political purposes can be justified at times, but not always correct. And, in less enlightened countries political censorship represents a flawed system and a case where media censorship and control is a negative.

The essay is well structured in its broad strokes, and the language is coherent. However, there a few small flaw, inaccurate uses of words, and oversights which might detract a little from the essay's final score:

Statutes - not 'statues'

I think in paragraph 3 you meant to say "more controversial", not "less controversial".

The use of transitions is also a bit squeaky and doesn't always support the logic of your argument. Paragraph 3 uses three or four consecutive transitions that all suggest contrasting points of view: However, but, However, on the other hand". These transitions don't always seem appropriate. For example, it's not clear why you use "but" to introduce the sentence "periodi censorship, etc." Make sure your transitional words are actually doing the work you want them to do. There are also transitional words that can be used when you are emphasizing a previous point: furthermore, in addition, What's more...

Thanks for the tips. I noticed some of them after submitting but didnt make changes because I wanted to make it with in the 30 minutes...
how would u grade it as is?

one more question.... you say "broad strokes" do you think that I should go into more detail?