Please rate my essay, just a few days away from D-day

This topic has expert replies
Newbie | Next Rank: 10 Posts
Posts: 2
Joined: Mon Sep 05, 2011 4:58 am
Hi,

I'd highly appreciate if you rate my essay and provide some feedback.

Essay prompt:

Motorcycle X has been manufactured in the United States for over 70 years. Although one foreign company has copied the motorcycle and is selling it for less, the company has failed to attract motorcycle X customers - some say because its products lack the exceptionally loud noise made by motorcycle X. But there must be some other explanation. After all, foreign cars tend to be quieter than similar American-made cars, but they sell at least as well. Also, television advertisements for motorcycle X highlight its durability and sleek lines, not its noisiness, and the ads typically have voice-overs or rock music rather than engine-roar on the sound track.

Response:


The argument states that one foreign company, which has copied the motorcycle of a successful company called X, has not been able to attract customers of company X, even though the foreign company is selling the motorcycle for less. Though some say that loudness of Motorcycle X can be the reason behind this, the author refutes the idea and rather concludes that there must be some other explanations for this. After this, the author introduces some of the explanations that may exist. But the evidences showed by the author are not conclusive and depend on assumptions, which cannot be proved from the information that he has given in the argument.

Firstly, the author mentions that other foreign cars, which tend to be quiter than American made cars, have been successful in the market. However, the author has failed to show the specific performance for foreign motorcycle companies. The overall car market is quite broad and can have many different factors, which cannot be relevant for motorcycle market. For example, purchasers of truck may prefer the size of the truck to the noise it makes. But this does not show that same will be true for motorcycle market as well. Therefore, the author has failed to show the direct correlation between other foreign car companies' sale and the mentioned motorcycle companies' sale.

Secondly, the author has showed comparison between the foreign company that is copying X and other foreign car companies. There is a underlying assumption that the scenario will be same for the company that copied an existing product and that did not copy. But certainly this cannot be the case. Since the foreign company is directly copying motorcycle of company X, people will expect exactly the performance and same features as Motorcycle X. This factor has not been taken into consideration by the author.

Thirdly, the author mentions that motorcycle X highlights on durability and sleek lines rather than noisiness in the advertisement. But this obviously does not prove that people do not value noisiness of motorcycle. Motorcycle X's noisiness factor can be well known and therefore, the company may not feel the necessity of promoting its noisiness factor again. For example, a company that is already famous for offering cheap product may not feel the need to promote the low price of its products.

Fourthly, the argument mentions that the ads typically have voice-overs or rock music and he readily assumes that these are not representative of noisiness. But company X may promote its noisiness even through rock loud music. The author does not mention whether this is the case.

In conclusion, the assumptions that the author made to reach the conclusion are not valid and may have alternative explanations, which have not been considered by the author. A market research is certainly needed to know the true attitude of the target customers. Also, the assumptions that the author made should be checked again to see whether reasonings that he said are true in all cases. Otherwise, the conclusion reached by the author will be confusing and misleading at best.