GMAT Essays (AWA)

“Two years ago Nova High School began to use interactive computer instruction in three academic subjects. The school dropout rate
declined immediately, and last year’s graduates have reported some impressive achievements in college. In future budgets the school board
should use a greater portion of the available funds to buy more computers, and all schools in the district should adopt interactive computer
instruction throughout the curriculum

Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.


The argument concludes that all schools in the district should allocate more funds to buy computers and should adopt interactive computer instruction. To support this conclusion , author mentioned an example of Nova School where dropout rate has declined and graduates have reported better acheivements. Stated in this way argument fails to provide evidences which is required for the evaluation of an argument. The conclusion of an argument is based on the flawed assumption. Therefore , the argument is weak and unconvincing.

First of all, argument is based on the assumption that introduction of the computers leads to decrease in dropout rate. The author has mistakenly coorelated the events and has not provided any evidence to prove this correlation . It might be possible that some other factors have promoted low rates and better achievements. for example , Improved faculty , change in curriculum etc might be the real cause of improvement. may benow, Curriculum is more interesting than earlier what it used to be and included some interesting subjects that attracted and retains more students and hence low dropout rate.

Moreover, It is also possible that number of enrolled students has increased dramatically in last 2 years. for example ,earlier if the total number of students enrolled is 100 and number of dropped out students are 10 , then dropout rate is around 10%. whereas if number of enrolled student increased to 1000 and dropout students increase to 20 even then dropout rate is just 5%. So the percentage doesnot provide any evidence whether computers really helped Nova school.


Secondly, The author suggest that all schools in district should allocate more funds for computers and should adopt interactive computer instruction in the cirriculum. This conclusion is based on unwarranted assumption that if computer instructions help Nova school then all schools can benefitted from that. Author fails to consider that there are number of other factors that can influence performance or dropout rate of students. for example, faculty in a school is also one of the key factor that influences the perfomance of students. If faculty is not good, then it can hamper the perfomance of students and ultimately poor scores.

In sum, The argument contains several flaws. Argument can be strengthened if author provides concrete evidence that shows a coorelation between decrease in drop rate and computers and eliminate all other relevant factors that can influence the drop rate. In the absence of facts , the argument is flawed.

What I like about this essay is that the arguments are very explicit. To often people are dancing around the topic and not clearly indicating their point of view.

Here are some of my personal thoughts

Stated in this way argument fails to provide evidences which is required for the evaluation of an argument. The conclusion of an argument is based on the flawed assumption. Therefore , the argument is weak and unconvincing.

While these are strong and clear statements, I think you should make reference to the actual topic at hand. From these sentences alone, you could be talking about ice cream or politics or fashion. You need to find a way to meld in the issue of technology in schools. Also, I think it is necessary to refer to the argument as just that- "the" argument. As well, you use the word argument 4 times. Try to shake it up so it reads more enjoyably.
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It is also possible that number of enrolled students has increased dramatically in last 2 years. for example ,earlier if the total number of students enrolled is 100 and number of dropped out students are 10 , then dropout rate is around 10%. whereas if number of enrolled student increased to 1000 and dropout students increase to 20 even then dropout rate is just 5%. So the percentage doesnot provide any evidence whether computers really helped Nova school.

I'm not sure I follow this argument. I would think that the dropout RATE falling would be a good thing. Also, 20 out of 1000 is 2%.

Secondly, The author suggest that all schools in district should allocate more funds for computers and should adopt interactive computer instruction in the cirriculum.

For firstly and secondly etc... I would use these words to introduce the points of my argument. What I think you've done is restated the author's views, then objected in the next sentence. I also think this secondly is more your third point. You used "more over" for your second paragraph.
-For your conclusion, I again appreciate that it is very explicit, but I think it could benefit from mentioning more about the topic at hand.

Best of luck!