Mini Scholarship for November - December

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Mini Scholarship for November - December

by beatthegmat » Thu Nov 16, 2006 8:17 pm
Here's the essay topic for this month's mini scholarship, for November 16 - December 15. In the United States we are approaching our big holiday season, so the topic for this month is:

Describe your favorite holiday memory--why is it significant to you?

You can submit your essay response by replying to this discussion thread.

Please review these rules to determine whether you are eligible to participate in this scholarship opportunity. The prize is a $50 Amazon.com gift certificate; one winner will be selected by me and announced on December 16. Please submit your essay by end of day, December 15.

I encourage you all to submit a response! It's a great way to win $50, and at the very least--to practice your writing.

Best of luck, and I look forward to reading all of your responses...
Last edited by beatthegmat on Sat Dec 16, 2006 12:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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A gentle reminder

by beatthegmat » Wed Dec 06, 2006 9:29 pm
A gentle reminder: the deadline to submit an essay for this month's Monthly Mini Scholarship is December 15. Look forward to reading your responses!
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by aim-wsc » Sat Dec 16, 2006 12:17 am
They say, in India, there are maximum number of bank holidays. Yes! Being such a diverse country, where you have people from every religion and where you find new ethnic group at every fifty miles, India has many public holidays; and hence many festivals. Although the biggest festival in India is Diwali which comes in October or November, we have a season of festivals around months of Augest. We get most number of holidays in that month. Not just because of a festival season but also sometimes because of heavy rain :)
The part of India where I live has high level of precipitation during summer from June till Spetamber. When i was a kid I used to pray to god to have heavy rain so that we would get a free holiday from school! Sigh! those were the days... Now i pray to god not to have heavy rain since it would ruin my farm and my business.
When you work for somebody, when you are an employee, you want holiday desparately. On the other hand when you work for yourself, when you are an employer you wish holidays should never come. Latter happens with me. I hope I am not sounding like a brutal corporate leader. In fact if anything I am I am quite socialist, democrat and down-to-earth. I just like my work so a single-day holiday also sometimes seems painfully long. Not that I hate holidays and I don’t cherish memories but holidays seem to be rare occasion for me these days.
But then there comes some compulsary holidays where you are helpless and cant do any work. Like I mentioned earlier, a heavy rain.
Yes! Heavy rain
Yes! Heavy rain sometimes forces you to be on holidays.
We suffered from flood due to heavy rain three times in last five years. And during that period we had to do nothing but sit in our homes. The electricity get cut, road blocks, transportation stops and whole system collaps.
I have such holiday memory to cherish. It is not a pleasant one but surely one of my favourites and had made signficant impact on me.
Last year we faced such heavy rain which in turn made whole system collaspe and resulted us to close our workshop for seven days. I had nothing to do then so I decided to enjoy my holiday. On the same period just before me enjoying my holiday there was much heavy rainfall in the town where my married sister and her family lives. We heard all sorts of news from them.
The whold town was devasted due to the catastrope. I thought this is the time to go their and offer a helping hand.
I went to that town I could easily sense the condition a week before. the whole town had been drowned in the flood. In the low level of the town the water level even touched the first floor! I felt sorry. There was so much to do there. It took around ten days to bring back system to normal. I am proud of myself that I was being a part of that service who help the town brought back to normal.

This memory always inspire me and therefore is significant for me.
Thank you

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by aim-wsc » Sat Dec 16, 2006 12:22 am
My apologies for posting the article fifteen minutes after the due date.
I wanted to post this just one hour before the last date but it seems that the last date is already over.

I was not aware of timings at California. I thought its 2.30hrs late than India. really dont know about the winter correction factor and all....

Administrator can discard the essay if he wants to.
thankyou.

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by beatthegmat » Sat Dec 16, 2006 12:43 pm
Congratulations, aim-wsc, you are the winner of this month's $50 mini scholarship!

My comments about your essay response are forthcoming...
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by beatthegmat » Sat Dec 16, 2006 12:59 pm
Hi Johny:

Here are my comments about your essay response:

I'm glad to see consistent improvement in your writing with each essay response! Your sentence structure has become much more elegant, and the ideas flow more coherently than they did in previous essays you've submitted--nice work! Practice does pay off...

When you write an essay for business school admissions, I want you to think about the STAR method. STAR stands for the following:

S - situation - describe the situation/problem you encountered
T/A - task/action - describe what you did to address the situation/problem
R - result - describe the end result of your action

This is a framework that is commonly used with interviews, but it makes sense in the context of writing essays about your own experience as well.

My criticism of your essay is that you spend a lot of time describing the situation, and very little is mentioned about the action and result. This is something that I've noticed with your other essays as well. In the future, I suggestion put less emphasis on setting up the situation, and give more balance to describing the action and result. I think that doing so will make the pace of ideas presented in your ideas more active, and ultimately provide a better story to the reader.

Otherwise, great work! Keep up the practice!
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by aim-wsc » Sun Dec 17, 2006 12:56 am
Thankyou very much.
thanks for considering my essay.
I assure you that you are helping the needful :|

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by aim-wsc » Sun Dec 17, 2006 1:35 am
beatthegmat wrote:Hi Johny:

Here are my comments about your essay response:

I'm glad to see consistent improvement in your writing with each essay response! Your sentence structure has become much more elegant, and the ideas flow more coherently than they did in previous essays you've submitted--nice work! Practice does pay off...
Thankyou very much. You are not just giving the feedback but also checking my progress. I am touched :D
When you write an essay for business school admissions, I want you to think about the STAR method. STAR stands for the following:

S - situation - describe the situation/problem you encountered
T/A - task/action - describe what you did to address the situation/problem
R - result - describe the end result of your action

This is a framework that is commonly used with interviews, but it makes sense in the context of writing essays about your own experience as well.
thats Nice tip.
I was not aware of this STAR but obviously i knew that my essay is missing the core part. I knew I have made a good plateform but havenot describe the core in detail.
My criticism of your essay is that you spend a lot of time describing the situation, and very little is mentioned about the action and result. This is something that I've noticed with your other essays as well. In the future, I suggestion put less emphasis on setting up the situation, and give more balance to describing the action and result. I think that doing so will make the pace of ideas presented in your ideas more active, and ultimately provide a better story to the reader.

Otherwise, great work! Keep up the practice!
Will work upon these lines and present better essay next time.
Thank you.