GMAT Essays (AWA)

The following appeared as part of an annual report sent to stockholders by Olympic Foods, a processor of frozen foods.
"Over time, the costs of processing go down because as organizations learn how to do things better, they become more efficient. In color film processing, for example, the cost of a 3-by-5-inch print fell from 50 cents for five-day service in 1970 to 20 cents for one-day service in 1984. The same principle applies to the processing of food. And since Olympic Foods will soon celebrate its twenty-fifth birthday, we can expect that our long
experience will enable us to minimize costs and thus maximize profits."

Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion


The argument claims that based on the principle that as organizations learn how
to do things better as their costs of processing go down and the organizations
will be able to maximize their profits. In addition to that, the author believe that
the above principle that was applied by color film processing from 1970 to 1984
will be able to applies to the processing of food. Stated in this way the argument
fails to mention several key factors, on the basis of which it could be evaluable.
The conclusion of the argument relies on assumption for which there is no clear
evidence. Hence, the argument is weak, unconvincing, and has several flaws.

Primary, the argument readily assume that the organizations experience is the
only element that led them to maximize their profits. This statement is stretch
and not substantiated in any way where no guarantee that this is the case.
Moreover, the author does not cite any evidence to support this assumption.
There are numerous examples in same areas that shown that another element
such as when the companies move from building of a high rent to building a
of low rent that could led companies to reduce their cost of per unit. Also,
The manager who led the company film from 1970 to 1984 could be was
maven person and he was the best leader for the company and not the company
experience was the reason in reducing the company cost. Finally, the economic
trend from 1970 to 1984 could be was good for all color film processing for
instance, fallen in the cost of raw materials led color film processing to reduce
the cost. The argument could have been much clear if it explicitly stated that
what is the factors that lead to fallen in the cost of a 3-by-5-inch print from 50
cents for five-day service in 1970 to 20 cents for one-day service in 1984.

Secondary, the argument claims that the minimize costs of a 3-by-5-inch print
in color film processing lead to maximize profit. This is again a very weak and
unsupported claims as the argument does not demonstrate any correlation
between the specific case of 3 inch print and the company profit. Why the
reducing in the cost of 3 inch print from 197 to 1984 lead company to made
profit? what about the cost of other inches? The author did not use statistics date
to compare between companies film during the period from 1970 to 1984
As we know there are many inches print that the companies were made. So,
without convincing answer to these questions, one is left with the impression
that the claim is more of wishful thinking rather than substantive evidence and
if the argument had provided proof that answer the above questions, it would
have been a lot more convincing.

Finally, the argument concludes that because Olympic Foods will soon
celebrate its twenty-fifth birthday and if the same principle applies to the
processing of food. We can expect that our long experience will enable us to
minimize costs and thus maximize profits. The author made a big mistake
when compare between the color-film processing industry the food processing
industry where differences between the two industries clearly outweigh the
similarities. Each of the industry is subject to factors that differ from anther,
for example, many people are weekly if not daily watch in moves in other hand
the Olympic food few people are eat it daily. In addition to that, problems of
weather, such as exposure to damage quickly, and timely transportation all
affect on the food industry but not on in the film-processing industry.

In conclusion, In conclusion, the argument is flawed for the above-mentioned
reasons and is therefore unconvincing. It could be considerably strengthened if
the author clearly mentioned all the relevant facts. In order to assess the merits
of a certain situation, it is essential to have full knowledge of all contributing
factors. Without this information, the argument remains unsubstantiated and
open to debate

Katharine@GMATPrepNow wrote:Hello Asma77,

Make sure that you're sticking to the time limit while doing practice essays. This response was quite long, so I wonder if you completed it within the 30 minute time limit.

Writing: There were several writing errors. The first sentence in the intro is way too long, and I think that you could cut out plenty of language throughout the essay to make your sentences stronger. Also in the intro: "applies" should be "to be applied," but the sentence should be written in a clearer way. "Evaluable" isn't what you want. Do you mean "evaluated" instead? Your transition words (primary, secondary) are also incorrect: you mean "first," or "primarily," or something similar. There are other mistakes throughout, so make sure you save five minutes to reread and edit your essays before submitting.

Structure: The intro was very long, and it was not clear to me right away that you understood the argument in the prompt. You need to include a concise summary of the prompt right away in the intro. The conclusion was generic and had nothing to do with your essay topic. It's all right to have a standard conclusion template, but you have to tailor it to fit each different prompt. The body paragraphs were also quite long, but you were able to provide lots of examples.

Arguments/Examples: You had strong examples and arguments in your body paragraphs, but there were so many writing mistakes that it was hard to follow your reasoning. I think that you could have added a few more examples of ways to improve the argument and spent a little less time on the flaws.

Suggestions for Improvement: You don't need to write such a long essay! I think that you focused so much on writing five long paragraphs that you didn't leave time to proofread and fix the writing mistakes. You should try to write a shorter essay without so many errors. The body paragraphs showed me that you were able to understand the prompt and find flaws in the argument, so concentrate on leaving time to revise. I'd give this essay a 3 because of all the errors. I recommend that you write another practice essay in the 30 minute time limit, and instead of writing as much as possible, try to write a shorter essay with fewer flaws. Don't be discouraged. Practice will help you write a stronger response on test day.

Dear Katharine, Thank you for your advice. I wrote the same essay once again and I tried to correct

my mistake depended on your advice.However, I hope if you give me more advice about my

conclusion. How I can make it better.Dear,I will continue in writing this essay more than once until

you told that my score now is 6 where if I understand my mistake in one essay I will be able to

write good essay in another topic


The argument claims that when organizations learn how to do things better,
their costs of processing go down and they will be able to maximize their
profits. The author see that as the above principle was applied by color film
processing from 1970 to 1984, it should be applied to the processing of food.
Stated in this way the argument fails to mention several key factors, on the basis
of which it could be evaluated. The conclusion of the argument relies on
assumption for which there is no clear evidence. Hence, the argument is weak,
unconvincing, and has several flaws.


Primarily, the argument readily assume that experience of organizations is the
only element that lead them to maximize their profits. This statement is stretch
and not substantiated in any way where no guarantee that this is the case.
Moreover, the author does not cite any evidence to support this assumption.
Numerous examples in the companies film processing shown that there are
another elements such as moving companies from building of a high
rent to building a of low rent could allows companies to reduce their cost of per
unit to attract more customers. Another reason that could be allowed companies
film to reduce their cost from 1970 to 1984 is that the manager' ability. To
illustrate, there are many examples in the in the history of companies that proof
that managers who lead companies during certain periods were maven people
and they were the best leaders for their companies. Furthermore, the economic
trend from 1970 to 1984 could be was in the interest of all color film
processing for instance, fallen in the cost of raw materials or in the cost of
labor could lead companies film processing to reduce their costs. The argument
could have been much clear if it explicitly stated that what is the factors that
lead companies to reduce their cost of a 3-by-5-inch print from 50 cents for
five-day service in 1970 to 20 cents for one-day service in 1984.

Secondary, the argument claims that the minimize costs of a 3-by-5-inch print
in color film processing lead organizations to maximize their profit. This is
again a very weak and unsupported claims as the argument does not
demonstrate any correlation between the specific case of 3 inch print and the
companies profit. Why just the reducing in the cost of 3 inch print from 197 to
1984lead company to made profit? what about the cost of other inches? As we
know there are many inches print that the companies make. Also, the
author did not use statistics date to show us what is the cases of other
companies film during the period from 1970 to 1984? Does the drooping in
costs was for all film processing companies?. So, without convincing answer to
these questions, one is left with the impression that the claim is more of wishful
thinking rather than substantive evidence and if the argument had provided
proof that answer the above questions, it would have been a lot more
convincing.


Finally, the argument concludes that because Olympic Foods will soon
celebrate its twenty-fifth birthday and if the same principle applies to the
processing of food,we can expect that our long experience will enable us to
minimize costs and to maximize profits. The author made a big mistake
when compare between the color-film processing industry the food processing
industry where differences between the two industries clearly outweigh the
similarities. Each of the industry is subject to factors that differ from anther,
for example, many people are weekly if not daily watch in moves in other hand
the Olympic food few people are eat it daily. In addition to that, problems of
weather, such as exposure to damage quickly, and timely transportation all
affect on the food industry but not on in the film-processing industry.

In conclusion, the argument is flawed for the above-mentioned
reasons and is therefore unconvincing. It could be considerably strengthened if
the author clearly mentioned all the relevant facts. In order to assess the merits
of a certain situation, it is essential to have full knowledge of all contributing
factors. Without this information, the argument remains unsubstantiated and
open to debate