GMAT Essays (AWA)

Hello,

Could you please evaluate my essay. The argument associated to the essay is mentioned below along with my essay. Your help is appreciated.

Thanks!

Argument:

Parents, if you need a summer camp for your children look no further than Federville Farms. In a recent survey, Federville Farms ranked first in both overall camper satisfaction and in food quality, and second in the variety of outdoor activities. Federville Farms has been family owned and operated for over forty years, so you have nothing to worry about when it comes to your child's safety, and it employs more Red Cross certified lifeguards than any other camp in the state. If you seek the best camp experience for your children, Federville Farms is the best choice you can make.

Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.

Essay:

The argument that Federville Farms is the best camp experience omits some very important considerations that are necassary to get a full three hundred and sixty degree view of the describes scenario. The argument does not provide substantive evidence to prove or even support the main conclusion from the given premises.

First, the argument assumes that the survey results come from a credible resource and the results are not skewed to reflect the views of certain segment. It is imperative for the author to mention the source of the survey as well as the methodology that was adopted to conduct the survey. This will allow the readers to make a more informed decision when deciding whether Federville Farms is the right camp for their child. Also, more information about the sample size of the survey and the background of the participants will help understand whether the survey is a true reflection of the camps quality or is skewed to reflect the views of the admirers of Federville Farms.

Secondly, the argument claims that the parents who send their children to Federville Farms camp have nothing to worry about the safety of their child as the camp is family owned and has been operating since the past 40 years. The argument is illogical as the number of years of operations and the type of business does not determine whether a child would be safe in a camp or not. Safety is a culmination of safe practices during the course of the camp activities and can be ensured by keeping a check on the equipment used by kids at the camp. The author fails to indicate whether the camp meets or exceeds the state or federal standards of safety or not.

In summary, this argument is extremely flawed and unconvincing for the above mentioned reasons. As a result, the argument comes as weak to the reader. The author can improve the argument by expanding on the facts mentioned in the article. For instance, the author can make the argument stronger by outlining the source of survey and the methodology of the survey. Additionally, the author can also specify the safety standards the camp meets or exceeds in order for the reader to know the stand of the Federville Farms in regards to the safety of children who join their camp.