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Can someone please rate my essay and let me know the flaws.

This topic has 3 member replies
aditiniyer Senior | Next Rank: 100 Posts
Joined
19 Aug 2016
Posted:
46 messages

Can someone please rate my essay and let me know the flaws.

Post Mon Oct 24, 2016 7:35 am
Elapsed Time: 00:00
  • Lap #[LAPCOUNT] ([LAPTIME])
    ESSAY QUESTION:
    The following appeared in a trade publication for the insurance industry:

    “Each generation of Americans has lived longer than the ones preceding it, as the national life expectancy has approached 80 years old in recent years. The progress of medical technology shows no sign of abating. Therefore, we can confidently predict that most children born in America in the next decade will live past the age of ninety.”

    Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.

    YOUR RESPONSE:
    The argument is based on the premise that medical technology is bound to improve with each passing generation. The advancement in life expectancy is directly proportional to the medical advances if in case is a considerable assumption made. It might be highly likely that medical technology has reached its peak and no more progress can be made thenceforth. Hence, considerably making the conclusion that most Americans in the next decade will live past 90. Also, if we assume that medical technology does progress, it is not necessary that the rate of progress results in the average life expectancy to be above 90.It could be above 82, 85, 87 based highly upon the rate of medical advancement made in the coming decade.

    Given the countless assumptions in the above argument, I believe the author has a very assertive conclusion not backed by facts.Though if the author can provide an evidence through an analysis of the past decades with solid data points which give a positive correlation between the advancement in medical technology and the life expectancy, the argument would become stronger.

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    crackverbal Master | Next Rank: 500 Posts
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    Post Mon Nov 21, 2016 2:35 pm
    "if in case is a considerable assumption made." - I am not sure what this sentence means. Rewrite it.
    "thenceforth" - I think you meant henceforth.
    "Hence, considerably making the conclusion that most Americans in the next decade will live past 90." - not a sentence.
    "solid data points which give a positive correlation" - Usage of 'which' is incorrect. You need a comma before 'which'.

    You need to write more. The amount that you have written is not sufficient for 30 minutes. You can include some more points -

    based on the data available can we predict that the life expectancy will reach 90 years or more? What if the data says life expectancy will be less than 90 years? What if increase in life expectancy has reduced significantly over each generation?
    What if 85 years(say for example) is the maximum life span that humans can achieve?
    What if the progress in medical technology is in some other area not related to aging?
    What if there are natural disasters? A new virus perhaps?
    What if the economy collapses over the next decade? what if there are wars, famine?
    What if many children born in America over the next decade migrate to other countries that do not excellent health care?

    You can also structure your essay better. Here are some sample essays -
    http://gmat.crackverbal.com/gmat-awa/

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    aditiniyer Senior | Next Rank: 100 Posts
    Joined
    19 Aug 2016
    Posted:
    46 messages
    Post Mon Nov 21, 2016 11:29 pm
    Thanks a ton ! Smile That was pretty helpful. Going through your website for more !

    bradshaw48 Newbie | Next Rank: 10 Posts Default Avatar
    Joined
    31 Jul 2017
    Posted:
    1 messages
    Post Mon Jul 31, 2017 3:29 am
    The essay is good, but I feel that you for 30 minute time the length is short. To improve your speed and writing capability you need to write more and more and besides that you need to read more too.

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