GMAT Essays (AWA)

Hi GMAT Gurus/Fellow Gmatters,

I am new to this community and have my exam 8 days from today . Could you take some time to evaluate my essays?
Thank You

Analyze Argument:

Recent technological improvements in electronic mail (E-mail) will resolve existing corporate communication problems. Vast quantities of information about products, services, and market transactions as well as most basic business communications, can be electronically exchanged, quickly and at a relatively low cost.

Explain how logically persuasive you find this argument. In discussing your viewpoint, analyze the argument's line of reasoning and its user of evidence. Also explain what, if anything, would make the argument more valid and convincing or help to better evaluate its conclusion.

Response
The vast improvements in the Electronic Mail system has revolutionized every sector in the industry and has had the the most profound impact on the consumer goods industry, because it is the best weapon in their armor to publicize their good to the masses. But to assumption that the Email system is the best way to communicate is flawed as there lot of pitfall in Email Communication.

The author assumes that corporate email communication systems are cheap and are user friendly. On the contrary, employees take time to adapt to these email systems,and during that period they can, by mistake send send mails to sources to whom the information is not to be disclosed.Further, the author assumes that these email systems are free from risks and hazards like viruses and malware. These complex emailing systems are yet to develop a solid mechanism by which they are able to prevent sending and receiving of these risky content. It is due to these risks, potential customers treat these promotion mails as Spam and delete them immediately.

Further, it is also assumed that these promoters will have a impact on the potential customers, who receive information about the company's products. Often, people don't take these mails seriously because all mails are structured in the same way and fail to arouse any interest in the customer. Many companies have come up with the idea of tele-marketing in which the salesman directly interacts with the customers and this practice has increased profits of many daily goods and telecom companies.

Also, a lot of customers are reluctant to shop online due to the threat of their credit card/check-in account information getting in the hands of hackers. Hackers can break any security systems like Master Card Securecode, although that system might have been launched recently and may be promoted as the most secure for online transactions.

To summarize, the author's argument can be supported if the email systems are cheap and user friendly, have a strong defense against viruses and hackers. The telemarketers must be innovative to catch the attention of the customers and companies are transparent in their offers to the customers so that people donot get duped.
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ANALYZE ISSUE :

Human nature dictates that every action, no matter how selfless it appears, is inspired by a selfish reason.

Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the above opinion. Support your position with reasons and examples from your own experience, observations of others, or reading.

RESPONSE :


The evolution of Homo Sapiens has been faster than that of any other species on the planet,but at the cost of extinction of many species , which the humans have overlooked in the due course of evolution. Though some actions of the human beings have been selfless , those for the betterment or preservation of natural resources and other species. Nevertheless , these actions were also taken due to selfish and small gains.

Over the course of its history, Human race has overlooked the well being and importance of sustaining the natural processes. Rapid deforestation has caused many species to loose their natural habitats, and therefore, these species are not able to survive in new environment and become extinct. Due to the huge amount of industrial activities, the pollution has gone up manifold affecting all forms of life including the human themselves. many species of mammals which were unique to Australia got extinct in the first hundred years of the arrival of the Europeans, which damaged the food chain of many living beings.


Supporters of development and rapid industrialization argue that human activities have had several positive effects on other animals too.A lot Wild life sanctuaries have been made, beneficial for the species that are endangered. But this was done primarily for the reason that these sanctuaries provide a perfect holiday spot and so that many animals are viewable to humans. Many species like the tiger still remain endangered due to the poaching activities , due to which only about 1000 tigers are left . Some proponents argue that construction of dams has solved the problem of water scarcity for many of the animals in dry regions and prevented flood during excessive rains, but these dams also damage the ecological balance of the region they are in.

To summarize, all the human actions like industrialization and deforestation have been take with motive to benefit the human race and overlook the concerns of other animals although some developments have been be beneficial to some species.

HI SDK,

your response is quite impressive ,i will rate the same in the range of 5.5 to 6.0.
just before submitting your response try to review your response, as it would reduce the repeatability of the same words.

Manoj