GMAT Essays (AWA)

Q773/2:
The following appeared as part of the business plan of an investment and financial consulting firm:

Studies suggest that an average coffee drinker's consumption of coffee increases with age, from age 10 through age 60. Even after age 60, coffee consumption remain high. The average cola drinker's consumption of cola, however, declines with increasing age. Both of these trends have remained stable for the past 40 years. Given that the number of older adults will significantly increase as the population ages over the next 20 years, it follows that the demand for coffee will increase and the demand for cola will decrease during this period. We should, therefore, consider transferring our investments from Cola Loca to Early Bird Coffe.

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The argument in concluding that general pattern suggests increasing consumption of Coffee and decreasing consumption of cola one should transfer their investment from Cola Loca to Early Bird Coffe left several holes that might have strengthen the argument. In following discussion I shall point out these flaws.

First, an average increase in consumption doesn't mean the total quantity will change in certain ways. It depends on current quantity being consumed. For example, if currently average consumption of coffee per person is 1kg a month and average consumption of cola is 10 liter, an 10% increase in coffe means 100gm and that of 10% in cola means 1 liter. So in absolute terms even though cola will decrease by a liter it still means 9 liter while the coffee will be only 1.1 kg. The point I am trying to make is just given an average increase/decrease we can not conclude what significance it will have on total consumption of wither substance.

Second, it is true that average age will increase and given the trend the consumption of coffee will increase while consumption of Cola will decrease. But how many people uses each product will determine the actual impact. If total population is 35 million and only 1% drinks coffee the number of people will be much less and so the actual total increase will be much less. Compare to it when out of 35 million 99% drinks coffee then the actual increase in consumption will be multi fold. As the number of people consuming either products is not mentioned, one can not accurately predict the actual increase in consumption of Coffee or actual decrease in consumption of Cola.

Third, one important aspect missing here is profit per unit? What is the average profit per unit on Coffee and Cola. If the profit margin will be very less on Coffee it will not impact in actual profit which is necessary for an investment to grow. Similarly if profit margin is much more in Cola even a slight decrease in sale could not impact much.

Fourth, what is the likely supply of each product. It is mentioned that demand of Coffee is likely to increase and that of Cola is likely to decrease but what about supply of these products. Coffee is an commodity that may or may not increase in future. Assuming the supply of Coffee is remain same or reduced it will keep an upward pressure on pricing and so it will be beneficial in terms of profit. But if supply of Coffee is likely to increase at similar or better pace then it will keep downwards pressure on pricing. So profit per unit will be kept in check. Similar arguments can be given about the Cola. And so mention of supply of both Cola and Coffee should have been mentioned.

Finally, if a given sector is likely to do good or bad does't necessarily means every company in that sector will perform accordingly. Normally leading companies with moat of operational efficiency are likely to extract maximum benefits from any upsurge in sector and similarly well equipped to weather the downturn in the sector. But nothing has been mentioned about Cola Loca or Early Bird Coffe. And so one can not conclude to what extent these companies will be impacted due do demand impact in their sector. And so no decision can be made about switching funds from one to another.

In summary, the points as raised above should have been mentioned in the argument to strengthen that the one should consider transferring their investmen's from one company to other.
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Request plz evaluate, I am about to write gmat soon.

I'm sorry I can't give you a more thorough review, but I think your 5th and final point should be your main argument.

You make arguments about the absolute impacts of the demographic trends. To me, the relative decrease in consumption in cola and increase in relative consumption in coffee is a given. The passage is suggesting switching investments and I think the essay should be arguing why the changes in demand alone aren't a good basis to make that decision.

Also, you have a fairly long essay. If you can plan, write, and proof read this essay in 30 minutes, that's great. However, I think for a lot of people it is difficult to write this much. There are a lot of short essays that have scored a 6.

4seasoncentre wrote:I'm sorry I can't give you a more thorough review, but I think your 5th and final point should be your main argument.

You make arguments about the absolute impacts of the demographic trends. To me, the relative decrease in consumption in cola and increase in relative consumption in coffee is a given. The passage is suggesting switching investments and I think the essay should be arguing why the changes in demand alone aren't a good basis to make that decision.

Also, you have a fairly long essay. If you can plan, write, and proof read this essay in 30 minutes, that's great. However, I think for a lot of people it is difficult to write this much. There are a lot of short essays that have scored a 6.

Thanks, but it is written in 30 minute only, when I write manhattan tests I keep copying the arguments from OG and trying to complete it in 30 minutes.

Any other opinion please, last time in true gmat I scored 5.5 and wants to have a good 6 this time please comment.

I am also interested in template contents, are they ok, or I need change.

request all plz plz rate...

I am going to write my exam soon, request please evaluate.

maihuna wrote:
last time in true gmat I scored 5.5 and wants to have a good 6 this time please comment.

How much impact does AWA score has on the application ? I am not sure Some people are of the opinion that more of GMAT actual score is what makes application strong....

How much impact does scoring high in AWA creates..... ?

please rate and point out corrections.

How much impact does AWA score has on the application ? I am not sure Some people are of the opinion that more of GMAT actual score is what makes application strong....

How much impact does scoring high in AWA creates..... ?

Well I don't remember where I read this...But its really a very useful information so that's why I would like to share this....

lets say u score a 4 or 3 in AWA and your application essays are very good....so that means, definitely your essays are not your own story!


You may think AWA not only a measure of your written business communication but also a factor to verify your application essays(although this method works to a possible limit)

Hope this helps

Karan

maihuna wrote:please rate and point out corrections.

Dude, I like your essay. Your thought process with the concrete examples are insightful. As others on the forum have suggested, if you could just cut down a little bit on the quantity and focus a little extra on quality, then 6 is within your reach.

Best of Luck.

kanha81 wrote:

maihuna wrote:please rate and point out corrections.

Dude, I like your essay. Your thought process with the concrete examples are insightful. As others on the forum have suggested, if you could just cut down a little bit on the quantity and focus a little extra on quality, then 6 is within your reach.

Best of Luck.

Thanks Kanha, your suggestions are well taken, I will work on it.

Regards,
maihuna