GMAT Essay -Please review my essay.

[shalini_m]

"Two years ago Nova High School began to use interactive computer instruction in three academic subjects. The school dropout rate declined immediately, and last year's graduates have reported some impressive achievements in college. In future budgets the school board should use a greater portion of the available funds to buy more computers, and all schools in the district should adopt interactive computer instruction throughout the curriculum."
Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.

The argument states about Nova High School which has included interactive computer instruction in its academic subject about two years ago. Because of which there is decline in the rate of school dropout and impressive achievement in colleges from last year's graduates. Therefore the author wanted the school board should use greater portion of the fund available to buy more computer and has also advised the other school of the district to use the similar approach. But the author has not reasoned well for the arguments stated.

Firstly the author should have mentioned if there is any induction of new students to the school. If there is any then this is also a factor in the decline of the school dropout. The argument lacks proper facts and figures to show the actual scenario. There may be other reasons as well for the decline in the dropout rate which the author has not mentioned in the argument.

Secondly, the impressive achievement of the college students cannot only because of the school methodology. There can be many factors for their achievement. The factors can be better teaching facilities in the college, better study improvement, better scope to hone ones skill and many things else. The argument lacks proper reasons to conclude that the school methodology is the only factor for the student's achievement.

Moreover, the arguments does not provide any data figures to establish connection between school methodology and achievement of last year's graduates. Further the argument does not state anything about other subjects, the student's performance in other subjects which do not use interactive computer instruction. The author should have provided a comparison on student's performance on different subjects.

At last the author's reason for the above argument is not well adequate. There are many flaws in the argument. The authors should have considered the induction of new student to the school, college factors in student's achievement. The author should have provided enough data and figures to reason well with the arguments. Hence the argument is not well reasoned for the conclusion to be valid.