Kindly Review my Essay

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Kindly Review my Essay

by sampada_rawat » Sun Aug 01, 2021 9:14 am
Hello, I would like you all to kindly give some time to evaluate my AWA essays. I am creating a poll so that you could rate the essay but would also appreciate some honest reviews in the comments so that I can improve ASAP. I am planning to take the test in the coming 2 weeks if my mock test scores fare well. Thank you in advance :pray: :D

QUESTION PROMPT:

The following appeared in a memorandum from the business department of the Apogee Company:
“In a recent citywide poll, 15 percent more residents said that they watch television programs about the visual arts than was the case in a poll conducted five years ago. During these past five years, the number of people visiting our city’s art museums has increased by a similar percentage. Since the corporate funding that supports public television, where most of the visual arts programs appear, is now being threatened with severe cuts, we can expect that attendance at our city’s art museums will also start to decrease. Thus some of the city’s funds for supporting the arts should be reallocated to public television.”
Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.


MY ESSAY

The argument is based on the premise that since according to a recent survey the percentage of residents that said that it watched television programs about visual arts was 15 percent greater than the percentage that did five years ago, the public television funding must be increased. This increase in percentage of population interested in the visual arts is also correlated to the hike in number of people that visit the city's arts museum. The assumptions made in the argument are plenty and seem slightly unsupported by facts.

Correlation does not imply Causality: The greater percentage in television viewers might suggest that more people have started showing interest in the visual arts but this fact does not necessarily imply that it is the absolute cause. Moreover, it is mentioned that television is the medium where most visual arts appear but it does not clarify if the increasing number of television viewers is in fact from the number watching visual arts specifically. Factors such as lack of other viable options and less screen time allotted to other genres could be the primary causes behind such an occurrence. Moreover, there is no emphasis on the specific genre of art available in the city museum. In fact, it is not at all clear whether the art on display in the museum and the art that’s shown on television are categorically the same. Different ages and sections of the population could be interested in both the types of arts. Also, it would be safer to know whether raising the television funds would in fact, affect the visual arts programs shown on it.

Ambiguous data: The argument mentions that the survey was conducted recently but does not clarify how recent. Recent could mean six months to a year or even more. More information is needed with respect to this part of the argument. Furthermore, a recent result may not justify the observed increment in the museum rush. Another fact that needs to be investigated is the comparison of percentage of population- depicted in the results of the survey as well as the museum crowd. The population today could be much more than it was five years ago and consequently 15 percent five years ago could be much lesser than 15 percent today. This disparity could destroy the assumptions in the argument.

The above observations conclude that since numerous predispositions are made in the argument with unsupported facts the argument seems not fully convincing. Some deeper studies need to be done before a more concrete conclusion can be established.

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Re: Kindly Review my Essay

by Brian_90Web » Tue Sep 14, 2021 9:56 pm
You have a very good essay and definitely have talent. Unfortunately, I don't have it. That’s why I turned for help to the personal statement writing service for writing my essays and term papers. Thanks to this, I was able to save my time. And I didn't have to blush for my assignments in front of the teacher.
Last edited by Brian_90Web on Sun Sep 19, 2021 4:33 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Kindly Review my Essay

by JeffThorsen777 » Tue Sep 14, 2021 9:57 pm
I really liked your essay. I would give the highest rating.

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Re: Kindly Review my Essay

by ElizabethSB » Tue Nov 16, 2021 1:39 am
Your essay is really great.