The Application Process

Below is the rough draft of my MBA admissions essay. I have removed the names of schools and my workplace for privacy reasons, everything else is exactly as I typed it. For this particular essay, I was only told to explain in 750 words or less why I hope to pursue an MBA degree. Anyways, here it is:

"I am applying to the Masters of Business Administration program at the {University} with the intention of obtaining the hours required to take the CPA exam and learning about other basic aspects of business in the process. After passing the CPA exam, I hope to one day open my own accounting firm, which will provide to clients any accounting service needed, whether it be help with taxes, running a business, or auditing services. I believe the MBA program at the {University} will be a perfect fit for me because of the diversity of the students and their willingness to accommodate my academic needs while allowing me to hold a full time job. I intend to graduate from the program with expanded knowledge of business as well as improved skills beneficial for success in the working world. I think I will be a great fit for the program because of my business knowledge and drive to succeed and put the {College of Business Administration} on the map by having a successful career.

I am currently working as a teller at {Bank}, a job which I have now held for two years. This job has enhanced my business knowledge and allowed me to see the daily operations of the bank. I have also obtained knowledge of operations management, skills which I could use to effectively manage my accounting firm. Even though I am at the bottom of the organizational chart, I have always had interest in moving up and can use the skills I've acquired to contribute to the success of the MBA program. I also believe I can use my skills and knowledge to help others around me.

I graduated from {University} in August 2010 with a Bachelor of Science in Accounting, and hold an overall undergraduate GPA of 2.45, which includes a class I took at {Community College} last semester. I was diagnosed with ADHD at an early age, a disorder which followed me to college and at times was a challenge for me in my studies. However, after spending approximately four months preparing rigorously for the GMAT, I obtained a score of 680. I believe my GMAT score indicates my ability to succeed when I put maximum effort into the task at hand, which I intend to do if I am admitted into the MBA program. Also, I took a macroeconomics class last semester at {Community College} and made an A in the class, improving a deficiency on my transcript from {University}. By taking this class, not only did I improve the deficiency, but I also gained a better understanding of the subject matter.
If given the chance to study in the MBA program, I intend to use my conditional status as further motivation to succeed, and to carry that motivation over after moving to regular status. I believe my success in my class last semester and my high GMAT score are both strong indicators of my potential for success in the program. I hope to be a part of the MBA program at the {University}, and to put into it the same effort I put into the GMAT and into my recent class. I hope to put the program on the map and improve the reputation of the program with both academic success and career success."

Total word count, including words omitted for privacy: 569. Now that you have read it, how does it look? What additions and/or changes can I make to it? This is my first ever attempt at an admissions essay, so any good advice is welcome. Thanks for your help!