GMAT Essays (AWA)

I have took a argument from GMAT's previously given arguments:Please help to suggest the areas I need to improve

The following appeared in the editorial section of a local newspaper:
"This past winter, 200 students from Waymarsh State College traveled to the state capitol building to protest against proposed cuts in funding for various state college programs. The other 12,000 Waymarsh students evidently weren't so concerned about their education: they either stayed on campus or left for winter break. Since the group who did not protest is far more numerous, it is more representative of the state's college students than are the protesters. Therefore the state legislature need not heed the appeals of the protesting students."
Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.

Below are the Negatives found in each premises described:

Premise 1:
1. Authors has taken only college under consideration where, the protest is happening against proposed cuts in funding for various state college programs.
2. Weak analysis: Have not determined why only 200 students went to protest. The information lacks the 200 students position in the college

Premise 2:
1. Author tries to compare the participants versus non participants population strength rather than opinions.
2. He has analysed or tried to enquire the other non-protestants views, which lacks evidential information.

Premise 3:
1. Author has compared with huge strength who were non-protestors with protestors and tries impose a negative opinion on protestors, which lacks evidences, opinions of the non-protestors.

Conclusion:
He has concluded, weakly by only considering Waymarsh State college 200 protestors strength and supports the state legislature to least consider.
Author has missed the basic point that, the problem is not of one college but several college.
There might be several different college student participants who would have come to protest is least assumed information that author needs to keep in the argument before he concludes.


With the above Negative points from the premises and conclusion my argument is formed as below:

Though the author might have well merit on the claim, he presents a poorly reasoned argument, based on several questionable premises and assumptions he offers, we cannot accept this a valid argument. There are few other factorable points that author might have to consider.

The primary issue with authors' reasoning lies with unverified information that lacks evidences, logical connections and understandings. From his first point it is understood that the author has missed holistic consideration of the problem. He has considered only one college and few protestors from the college who are to protest for cuts in funding for various state college programs. This information lacks justified evidentiary support and render conclusion unacceptable.

In addition, the author makes several assumptions and comparisons that remain unproven. From the second sentence, he tries to represent participant is protest versus the non-participants for the protest. The linking connection as base for 200 is 12000, or act of 12000 is represented via 200 are least considered assumptions and linking points where author has missed to provide. Instead, the author weakens the arguments by making assumption which fails to link protestors and non-protestors.

Since, the author has missed to understand the main idea of mission and their holistic approach to protest, he considers the 12000 are decent students and 200 students are only protestors. This shows the poor analysis of situation and shows improper balance of understanding the problem. This sentence opinionated the negativeness towards the protestors without factual evidences.

Finally, he fails to consider that the problem is not only with 200 students who have represented from Waymarsh state college students, but also the problem of several students from several colleges. However, he concluded with improper assumption to represent only Waymarsh state college 200 protestors appeal to state legislature and not to consider their problem if students who protested are of less strengthen appeals to lack realistic strength of whole students bodies. If the author want's express precise information to his readers's mind on the issue, he would probably require to restructure the argument, fix the flaws in the logic, clearly explain the assumptions, and provide more evidential support. In absence of these things, his poorly reasoned argument will likely convince very few people.