AWA Essay Attempt #2. Please read, rate, and comment

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The following advice was given to a politician by his political consultant: "It is true that 200 apartment renters protested in the rain about the elimination of rent control regulation. However, there are 20,000 renters in the entire city. 19,800 of them stayed home and did not protest. The group that did not protest is much larger and better represents the opinion of renters throughout the city that the elimination of rent control is not a problem. You should not let the small protest discourage you."

Describe how well reasoned you find this argument. In the discussion be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the argument's conclusion. You may also address possible changes in the argument that would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.

ANSWER

Political issues are always a prevalent among all people, whether rent control regulation should remain or should not has and will continue to have the attention of renters everywhere. Although the author claims that rent control regulation is not an issue for the politician because only 10% of renters protested is not based completely on facts, has questionable assumptions, and due to the little evidence given, we are unable to accept the truth in his argument.

Primarily, the assumption that due the attendance of only 200 people protested doesn't mean that the other renters in the area are not additionally concern. The inclement weather conditions, although not considered important to the author, can inconvenience any movement that people are attempting to make. There are also other indicators of the low attendance such as the time that the protest was held, were people in school or at work, and what about the physical ailments of other individuals that could not attend. The author's basis of his argument cannot solely be supported by attendance, and without support of his assumptions we cannot come to his conclusions.

In addition, the author gives insufficient evidence to support his conclusions about the protest. Merely basing the assumption on one act does not mean that eliminating rent controlled apartments is not a problem. This only takes in to consideration one act, where others might send in letters to the politician expressing their concern, and some sit in at town hall meeting to express their concerns. The lack of evidence that rent control is not an ongoing concern of others has rendered the statement unacceptable.

Although the author has left his assumptions in clear, and facts without evidence there are a few things that he could do to improve the overall merit to his argument. By further researching the additional protests and actions taken by the people he would be able to properly support that whether or not rent control is a problem. He could also base the assumptions on solid ground by comparing opinions of renters in other matters such as surveying, town hall meetings, or a pole vote.

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by KapTeacherEli » Sun Aug 05, 2012 5:51 pm
Hi samme,

This essay gets a 3.

I hate giving essays like this "unsatisfactory" scores, because it's clear you spent a lot of time on it. Your reasoning is spot on, and your structure looks solid.

Unfortunately, the language is a major barrier, and holds you back. In your second paragraph alone, your first and third sentences aren't properly constructed, your second sentence uses the wrong verb tense (can instead of could), and your final sentence is technically correct but wordy and awkward.

My number one piece of advice is to stop trying to write to your conception of a "perfect" essay! Great GMAT essays don't have to sound like literature, or like academic writing. You're trying to use complex words, long sentences, and elaborate paragraphing to make your essay look more fancy, but it's backfiring. Stick to simple language, and let your ideas speak for themselves--you'll do much better!

Good luck,

Eli
Eli Meyer
Kaplan GMAT Teacher
Cambridge, MA
www.kaptest.com/gmat

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by avnikajain » Mon Jul 06, 2015 6:33 am
PROMPT:
The following advice was given to a politician by his political consultant: "It is true that 200 apartment renters protested in the rain about the elimination of rent control regulation. However, there are 20,000 renters in the entire city. 19,800 of them stayed home and did not protest. The group that did not protest is much larger and better represents the opinion of renters throughout the city that the elimination of rent control is not a problem. You should not let the small protest discourage you."

Describe how well reasoned you find this argument. In the discussion be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the argument's conclusion. You may also address possible changes in the argument that would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.

MY RESPONSE:
The argument entails advice give by a political consultant to a politician that a small protest against the elimination of rent control should not discourage him or her. The premise that only 200 out of 20,000 renters, or one person in a hundred, in the entire city came out to protest is stated to support the main argument. However, reasonable as it may sound, it is not entirely convincing to draw such a conclusion based on the stated evidence. Thus, the argument is weak and needs to address some questions before a sound conclusion can be drawn.

First, the author assumes that everyone who is unhappy with the elimination of rent control comes out to protest. While it is fair to assume that everyone who protested is against the elimination of rent control, it can not be concluded that anyone who did not, was in favour of the same. It is possible, and also probable, that many who were unhappy with the elimination of rent control felt that their opinion was fairly represented by the protesting group. It is also possible that they showed their dissent in some other ways, perhaps, they wrote on social media about the sad state of affairs with respect to rent control. Maybe someone filed a petition. So, the political advisor needs to account for all forms of dissent when formulating his conclusion.

Second, it is quite possible that many were not aware that a protest was happening, and would have joined, had they known. Moreover, it could have been a working day, and hence it may not have been possible for everyone to attend the protest. Some, for instance the elderly, may be unfit to participate in a protest. Moreover, rain could have been a hurdle for many. Thus, it is not logical to ignore the protest altogether.

In conclusion, the argument is weak and unconvincing for the above mentioned reasons. It would be better drawn if it were given that there has been no sign of dissent other than the protest and most people have responded positively to the elimination of rent control, and that everyone knew about the protest and chose not to participate in it because they did not support it. Thus, without further details, the argument is vulnerable to criticism.