GMAT Essays (AWA)

Hey, I am taking the GMAT on the 21st of April 2015. I was a little nervy about the AWA section since there
was no sort of grading system or analysis available for my work.
Hope some instructor can review my essay and let me know how this essay would probably rate on test day.
Thanks a lot.


Essay topic :
The following appeared as part of an editorial in the Waymarsh city newspaper:
"Last year the parents of first graders in our school district expressed satisfaction with the reading skills their children developed but complained strongly about their children's math skills. To remedy this serious problem and improve our district's elementary education, everyone in the teacher-training program at Waymarsh University should be required to take more courses in mathematics."

Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion, be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion. (used with permission from mba.com)

My response:

The author proposes a solution to resolve the serious issue of the first grade children's supposedly insufficient math skills as well as to improve the district's elementary education by stating that everyone at the teacher-training program at Waymarsh University be required to take more courses in mathematics. Stated in this way, the argument conveys a distorted view of the situation and also reveals examples of leap of faith and ill-defined thinking. Moreover, the argument omits some key concerns that must be addressed to substantiate the author's solution. Furthermore, the conclusion relies on numerous unwarranted assumptions for which there is no substantial evidence. Thus, the argument is fallacious and unpersuasive.

First, the author readily assumes that the problem of poor math skills of the children can be resolved if everyone in the teacher-training program at Waymarsh University takes more courses in mathematics. This statement is a stretch and is not substantiated in any way. The author fails to demonstrate how the assumption holds good in this case. Since the problem only concerns first grade children, it seems logical that only these first graders, and not everyone involved in the teacher-training program, be required to take extra math courses, if at all they do have to. Moreover, the author does not explicitly demonstrate any causative correlation between taking more courses at mathematics and improved math skills of first grade children. It could be possible that the children under the purview of the survey failed to develop their math skills simply because they weren't interested. Thus, taking up more courses will in no way improve their math skills if this is the sole cause for the issue at hand. Without understanding the actual cause for the poor math skills in these children, it is difficult to evaluate the plausible effect of the proposed plan.

Second, the author implies that these children do not possess the required math skills solely based on the reviews of parents of these children. The author fails to demonstrate the validity of this claim by presenting explicit details of the survey. Just because parents complained about their children's math skills, one does not necessarily need to infer that the children actually lack the necessary math skills. The claim could be bolstered if the survey was conducted by the ministry of education that has the authority to make this claim about the skills possessed by the first graders. Since there is no reference mentioned which is considered as the basis for necessary math skills, the validity of the claim is questionable.

In summary, the argument is inherently weak and erroneous. It could be reinforced if the author addressed all the above mentioned concerns and provided all the relevant details to support his claims. In order to evaluate the merits of a plan, it is necessary to have complete knowledge on all contributing factors. Without sufficient information in this situation, the conclusion has no legs to stand on and the argument remains open to debate.

Hello Katharine,

Thanks a ton for your prompt reply. It really helped a lot

There are a few questions that I wanted some clarity on :
1. Conclusion : I am a little unclear as to how to change the conclusion (to make it more clear and specific) in this case. Could you please help me out with this ? (If you could write a few lines, then that would be really helpful)

2. Intro : should I make sentence-1 more succinct (and leave the rest as is) ? If not, could you suggest what sentences I could omit (or what specific changes I could make) to make this para more concise and to the point ?


Thanks a lot once again for your cooperation and timely help.

Warm regards,
Natarajan

Hi Katharine,

That makes things a lot more clearer. I see your point now. Thanks a lot

I've made a few changes to the previous essay's intro and conclusion based on your comments. Just wanted to know if this sounds better :

Intro :
"The author proposes a solution to resolve the issue of the poor performance of the first grade students in mathematics by recommending that the everyone in the teacher-training program be required to take more courses in mathematics. Stated in this way, the argument reveals examples of leap of faith and conveys a distorted view of the situation. Moreover, the argument omits some key concerns that must be addressed and the conclusion relies on numerous unwarranted assumptions for which there is no substantial evidence. Thus, the argument is fallacious and unpersuasive."


conclusion :
"In summary, the author's argument that all teachers in the training program should take more math courses is inherently weak and erroneous. It could be reinforced if the author addressed the concerns regarding the proficiency of first grade children in mathematics, and provided all the relevant details to support his claims of a correlation between increased courses for the teachers and improved math skills of the students. In order to evaluate the merits of a plan, it is necessary to have complete knowledge on all contributing factors. Without sufficient information in this situation, the conclusion has no legs to stand on and the argument remains flawed and open to debate."

Hope this is a stronger intro and conclusion. Kindly let me know if the length and the content is betternow.

I will write another essay tomorrow and will post it as soon as I'm done. Hopefully that will be much better than this.

Thanks once again.

Hi Katharine,

Thanks a lot. you have been really helpful indeed

Just out of curiosity, how much would you rate the essay with the improved intro and conclusion ?

Great essay here really! As for me, I always use some custom essay writing in services in uk . They help me a lot in editing and proofreading. Maybe, it will be helpful for you too

Hi Katharine,

This is the other essay I wrote yesterday. Request you to rate it and let me know if it is better than the previous one.

Essay prompt:

The following appeared in the opinion section of a national news magazine:
"To reverse the deterioration of the postal service, the government should raise the price of postage stamps. This solution will no doubt prove effective, since the price increase will generate larger revenues and will also reduce the volume of mail, thereby eliminating the strain on the existing system and contributing to improved morale."
Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion, be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.

My response :

The argument claims that the government should raise the price of postage stamps to reverse the deterioration of postal service. Stated in this way, the argument reveals examples of leap of faith and ill-determined thinking. Moreover, the argument omits some key concerns that must be addressed to substantiate the argument. The conclusion that the proposed plan will have the desired effect relies on numerous unwarranted assumptions. Thus, the argument is fallacious and unpersuasive.

First, the author readily assumes that the plan of raising the price of postage stamps will have the desired effect of generating larger revenues. This statement is clearly a stretch and is not substantiated in any way. There is no evidence or statistical data indicating that the increase in price of stamps will lead to an increase in sales (or even maintenance of sales at the current level) of these stamps, thereby leading to increased revenues. It may be possible that the increased price leads to reduced sales, which may or may not increase revenues. If any evidence of the plan having the desired effect had been shown, the author would have sounded a lot more convincing.

Second, the author states that the price increase will also reduce the volume of mail. Furthermore, it is unclear as to how an increase in revenues is expected when a decrease in volume of mail is desired. There is no evidence stating that the price increase will outweigh the volume decrease and thereby result in revenue increase. The author fails to demonstrate any correlation between price increase, volume decrease and subsequent revenue increase. If any such correlation had been shown, the argument could have been considerably bolstered.

The argument concludes that the price increase will lead to a revenue increase as well as a volume reduction in mail. This in turn will eliminate the strain on the existing system and contribute to improved morale. The author fails to consider the possibility that volume reduction may not happen as expected. It may be possible that the price increase isn't high enough to effect a reduction in volume of mail. Although this situation will result in increased revenues, it will not end up eliminating any strain on the existing system. Without substantive evidence on how this plan will achieve the desired effect, one is left with the impression that the claim is merely wishful thinking. Thus, the conclusion has no legs to stand on.

In summary, the argument is weak, flawed and unconvincing. If the author addressed all the above mentioned concerns regarding the efficacy of the plan to increase the increase the price of the postage stamps and provided substantive evidence to bolster his premises, the argument could have been reinforced. In order to assess the merits of a plan, it is imperative to have complete information of all possible contributing factors. Without this information, the argument remains ineffective and open to debate.


Thanks a ton once again

Regards,
Natarajan

Hi Katharine,

This is the other essay I wrote yesterday. Request you to rate it and let me know if it is better than the previous one.

Essay prompt:

The following appeared in the opinion section of a national news magazine:
"To reverse the deterioration of the postal service, the government should raise the price of postage stamps. This solution will no doubt prove effective, since the price increase will generate larger revenues and will also reduce the volume of mail, thereby eliminating the strain on the existing system and contributing to improved morale."
Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion, be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.

My response :

The argument claims that the government should raise the price of postage stamps to reverse the deterioration of postal service. Stated in this way, the argument reveals examples of leap of faith and ill-determined thinking. Moreover, the argument omits some key concerns that must be addressed to substantiate the argument. The conclusion that the proposed plan will have the desired effect relies on numerous unwarranted assumptions. Thus, the argument is fallacious and unpersuasive.

First, the author readily assumes that the plan of raising the price of postage stamps will have the desired effect of generating larger revenues. This statement is clearly a stretch and is not substantiated in any way. There is no evidence or statistical data indicating that the increase in price of stamps will lead to an increase in sales (or even maintenance of sales at the current level) of these stamps, thereby leading to increased revenues. It may be possible that the increased price leads to reduced sales, which may or may not increase revenues. If any evidence of the plan having the desired effect had been shown, the author would have sounded a lot more convincing.

Second, the author states that the price increase will also reduce the volume of mail. Furthermore, it is unclear as to how an increase in revenues is expected when a decrease in volume of mail is desired. There is no evidence stating that the price increase will outweigh the volume decrease and thereby result in revenue increase. The author fails to demonstrate any correlation between price increase, volume decrease and subsequent revenue increase. If any such correlation had been shown, the argument could have been considerably bolstered.

The argument concludes that the price increase will lead to a revenue increase as well as a volume reduction in mail. This in turn will eliminate the strain on the existing system and contribute to improved morale. The author fails to consider the possibility that volume reduction may not happen as expected. It may be possible that the price increase isn't high enough to effect a reduction in volume of mail. Although this situation will result in increased revenues, it will not end up eliminating any strain on the existing system. Without substantive evidence on how this plan will achieve the desired effect, one is left with the impression that the claim is merely wishful thinking. Thus, the conclusion has no legs to stand on.

In summary, the argument is weak, flawed and unconvincing. If the author addressed all the above mentioned concerns regarding the efficacy of the plan to increase the increase the price of the postage stamps and provided substantive evidence to bolster his premises, the argument could have been reinforced. In order to assess the merits of a plan, it is imperative to have complete information of all possible contributing factors. Without this information, the argument remains ineffective and open to debate.


Thanks a ton once again

Regards,
Natarajan

Thanks a lot Katharine for your timely help

Hopefully all goes well on test day !

Hi Katharine,

Just got my AWA scores today and I had to tell you about it. I scored a perfect 6.0
My GMAT score is 730 (Q50 V39 IR7 AWA 6.0). So I guess it was a good all-round performance
Thanks a lot for all your help and insightful critiquing of my essays. It really pushed my essay to the next level for sure.

Cheers,
Natarajan