Please rate my essay

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what rating the above essay deserves?

6
0
No votes
5.5
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5
1
100%
4.5
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4
0
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3
0
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Total votes: 1

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Please rate my essay

by raj44 » Tue May 20, 2014 5:56 am
Good day people,

Please rate my essay:

The following appeared as part of an annual report sent to stockholders by Olympic Foods, a processor of frozen
foods:
"Over time, the costs of processing go down because as organizations learn how to do things better, they become
more efficient. In color film processing, for example, the cost of a 3-by-5-inch print fell from 50 cents for five-day
service in 1970 to 20 cents for one-day service in 1984. The same principle applies to the processing of food. And
since Olympic Foods will soon celebrate its 25th birthday, we can expect that our long experience will enable us to
minimize costs and thus maximize profits."


My essay:

Organizations around the globe are constantly on the run to outdo their competitors and strive for greater market share. This can be achieved by adopting effective strategies combined with astute intelligence. In order to become efficient and profitable, organizations must work towards reducing their expenditures. The given argument proposes that over time organizations learn to do things in a better way that leads to reduced costs. Therefore, Olympic Foods will become profitable with passage of time. The author draws inference from unwarranted premises and assumptions that clearly undermine his argument.
Firstly, it is not always certain that the reduced costs can be achieved with passage of time. There are various other factors that affect an organization's cost policies. To become cost effective in today's competitive market, it is imperative that companies come up with innovative solutions to challenges. Innovation and doing things differently is what matters today. Hence, companies must invest heavily in innovation and growth; not just wait for the time to pass. Also it is very important for organizations to realize that to become cost effective and increase their profitability they must look for uncontested Market place rather than an overcrowded one. They must learn to differentiate themselves from their competitors in order to stay ahead in the game. The author also provides an unconvincing example of a 3-by-5 inch print's cost, which fell from 50 cents in 1970s to 20 cents a decade later. The author clearly states that this happened due to passage of time; certainly time was not the only factor contributing to the price fall. There could be various other factors such as reduced market price of print, better alternatives to existing prints etc. The author doesn't provide his reasoning behind his assumptions and therefore makes a poorly reasoned comparison between prices of a print to that of Olympic foods. Both refer to different industries-their operations, pricing, profitability are very different from each other. Thus comparison between them doesn't serve any purpose.
The author assumes that time is the most important and deciding factor in deciding an organization's capability to be profitable. While time is important no doubt, it is not the only factor that affects an organization's success. It is very important for companies to realize that in order to become cost effective and profitable they have to do things differently. Firstly, the color processing and food processing industries cannot be compared together. They both have different operating models, different market competitions and also pricing models. The prices and profits of both these sectors depend on various factors and therefore they cannot be compared with each other. Also the cost of a color print is governed by its quality and the process by which it is developed. On the other hand, food processing units' costs depend on the availability of crops, grains etc.
Although the author doesn't provide any concrete evidence to support his claim, nevertheless his conclusion can be realized by adopting certain measures and not being solely dependent on time. Firstly, in order to reduce costs and become profitable, companies have to come up with effective strategies. They just cannot afford to be dependent on time. They will have to pull up their socks by identifying different opportunities, understanding their competitors and more importantly the market conditions. For Olympic food processing company to be profitable, they must strategize their business in a way that they are less dependent on time. Definitely, they have to come up with innovative tactics so that they can be competitive in the market.
Finally, time is not the sole criteria to determine whether an organization can be successful or not. Differentiation and Innovation play a key role in evaluating an organization's success; therefore it is very important for Olympic Food Processing Company to realize how it can differentiate itself from its competitors and stay ahead in the game.

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by brianlange77 » Sat May 24, 2014 7:03 pm
I think this is in the +/- 5.0 range... I'd love to see a bit more "transition" language and structure as you begin in new paragraph, though. "Secondly, Lastly, Finally", etc.

Hope this helps.

Brian
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by raj44 » Sat May 24, 2014 9:23 pm
brianlange77 wrote:I think this is in the +/- 5.0 range... I'd love to see a bit more "transition" language and structure as you begin in new paragraph, though. "Secondly, Lastly, Finally", etc.

Hope this helps.

Brian
Good day Brian,

Thank you for taking the time out and evaluating my Essay. It was the first time I wrote a GMAT essay. I am targeting above 4.5 in AWA section. I will definitely use more transition language.

Just a question, the GMAT software, which is used to score our Essays lay more importance on usage of specific contents such as transition words,synonyms,connectors etc than on the overall presentation/content of the essay?

Thanks,
Rajeev.

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by brianlange77 » Sat Jun 21, 2014 4:57 am
Rajeev,

It's a good question. It's important to remember to focus on a wide variety of sentence types -- some short, some long, some with transitions, some without, etc. There is a premium placed on word choice (and by nature, sentence structure) variation. This will help provide positive tailwinds to your score. (A varied way of saying -- This will give you more points.) :-)

Best of luck.

Brian
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