GMAT Essays (AWA)

The following appeared as part of an article reviewing summer camps for children.
Parents, if you need a summer camp for your children look no further than Federville Farms. In a recent survey, Federville Farms ranked first in both overall camper satisfaction and in food quality, and second in the variety of outdoor activities. Federville Farms has been family owned and operated for over forty years, so you have nothing to worry about when it comes to your child's safety, and it employs more Red Cross certified lifeguards than any other camp in the state. If you seek the best camp experience for your children, Federville Farms is the best choice you can make.
Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.

---------------Analysis Begins-------------------------------

Given that the article is a review of summer camps, the expectation that the reader would place on the writer would be to highlight aspects in which Federville Farms is exceptional compared to other summer camps, and also to bring to attention any deviations from norm that the parents need to be aware of before enrolling their children in Federville farms.

The article is weakened at the outset by lack of specifics in the evidence it seeks to provide. It is not clear who conducted the survey that ranked Federville farms high in the metrics of camper satisfaction, food quality and outdoor activities. Further it is not clear how many metrics were considered and whether there were any red herrings in how Federville farms performed in those metrics. The credibility of the source is not made clear to the reader. The writer does not necessarily state anything about the track record of Federville farms and the family that owns it, and mere mention of timescale of operation is not sufficient evidence to say that it is safe for children.

There are several underlying assumptions that are not validated by the writer. While overall camper satisfaction is a fairly broad metric, mere variety in outdoor activities may not necessarily mean a better experience for the kids. A crucial assumption being made regarding child safety is that a family owned setup is better than a corporate entity. Similarly, employing more Red Cross certified lifeguards may not be a metric of better safety either, since it might well be necessitated because of bad prior experiences. This might also translate into higher cost for the parents.

Infact, pointing out the increased safety guards employed by Federville Farms and not mentioning how Federville Farms fared on the metric of child safety could be construed as a contradiction.

Providing a landscape of metrics against which Federville Farms need to judged, mentioning the source of the survey and its credibility and offering more statistical/data-based evidence to indicate child safety are some of the things the writer could have done to strengthen the argument.