Review needed (AWA - Kaplan practice test-1)

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topic - "To reverse the deterioration of the postal service, the government should raise the price of postage stamps. This solution will no doubt prove effective, since the price increase will generate larger revenues and will also reduce the volume of mail, thereby eliminating the strain on the existing system and contributing to improved morale."
Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion, be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion. (used with permission from mba.com)


My answer-

The argument discusses about the revival of the postal industry. The solution suggested is increasing the pice of the postage stamp, which will thereby lead to a decrease in the number of mails, and still increase revenue. The argument suggests that increasing prices will ultimately ensure that the industry will continue to exist, and there will be no strain on the existing systems

There are many assumptions made in the above argument - firstly, it assumes that the masses are still using the postal service in the era of digitisation;secondly, if there are people still using the postal service - they will continue to do so when the price has gone up; thirdly it assumes that the industry would be able to break even, despite the mail size going down.

The only evidence presented is that increase in prize will lead to an increase in revenue.

The argument fails to consider the growing popularity of internet and other means of communication like - telephone, mobile etc.If more number of users are shifting to computers, postal service is going to go down the drain.Also, when internet is becoming a basic necessity in countries like Germany(implying that in most cases it will be free), increasing the prices of the stamps will further reduce the whatsoever remaing popularity of postal industry and number of users will go down drastically. Thirdly, reducing numbers may reduce the strain, but if numbers continue to decline, the industry may not survive at all.

To revive the postal industry increase in price is not the solution, other aspects of postal industry should be taken into consideration- speedy delivery could be one.
Hence the argument thriving on many assumptions, doesn't present a strong case for revival of the postal industry.

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by [email protected] » Sun Aug 18, 2013 2:25 pm
Hi jekyll12345,

If this prompt came from a Kaplan practice test, then shouldn't someone from Kaplan offer to grade your essay?

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by krishnapavan » Sun Aug 18, 2013 11:26 pm
4.5/6.0




The argument claims that the deterioration or the down fall of the postal service can be reversed by increasing the price of postage stamps.The argument omits some important concerns that must be addressed to substantiate the argument.The argument also claims that the solution will undoubtedly be effective.This alone does not constitute a logical argument in favor of aggrandizing the revenue of postal service.

Most conspicuously,the argument does not address the cause of the deterioration of postal service , and underestimates the factors that effect the deterioration of postal service such as advancement of internet mail service , userfriendly mobile phone and other mail services much advanced than postal.

First, the argument assumes that stamps are the only source for effective revenue generation and underestimates the ease of access , customer satisfaction , delay in mail service .etc that plays a vital role in postal service.The argument poses a doubtful link between revenue generation and reduction in volume of mail.

Second, the argument never addresses the interface between eliminating the strain on existing system and deterioration of postal service and how this will affect the postal service's objective of obliterating the deterioration of postal service in future.

Because the argument leaves out several key issues, it is not sound or persuasive. If it included the items discussed above instead of solely emphasizing the stamps, the argument would have been more thorough and convincing.

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by KapTeacherEli » Mon Aug 19, 2013 6:42 pm
Hi Jeckyll,

I give your essay a 4.

You cover the basics and hit some good ideas, but your reasoning is hit-or-miss. Most notably, you mention several times that folks are using mail less and less, but don't actually explain how that's relevant to the argument about the stamp-pricing scheme. It *is* relevant, but not (as you said) because people are currently leaving; it matters because people have a useful alternative to the mail if they get priced out of sending physical letters.

you also need a little work on the conclusion. Remember, on the argument essay, your task isn't to make suggestions or give your own opinion--it's to evaluate the author's argument. Making your own suggestions in your final paragraph is missing the main point of this essay, and detracts from your argument.

Hope this helps!
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by jekyll12345 » Wed Aug 28, 2013 7:10 pm
Hi KapTeacher Eli,

Can you please review this one ?

The argument -

People now are less concerned about regulating the intake of red meat and fat cheese as they were few decades ago. Walk into Heart's Delight Store, which started selling organic fruits and vegetables in 1960s, now has a wide range of cheeese and cheese related fat products.Also,a vegetarian restaurant has been making a modest living, whereas the High Beef restaurant owner's have become millionaires.

my answer -
Now a days, people are not as concerned as they were a few decades ago, about their meat and fatty cheese intake. This is evident from the fact that stores which used to sell organic fruits and vegetables, now have a wide range of cheese and other fat products. Also, vegetarian restaurant owners make a modest living, whereas Beef restaurant owners have become millionaires.

Though his claim may have merit, the author presents a poorly reasoned argument - based on several questionable premises and assumptions. Based solely on the evidences that he author presents, the argument cannot be accepted as a valid argument.

The primary issue with the author's reasoning lies in his unsubstantiated premises. To begin with, the author says that the store Walk into Heart's Delight, which started selling organinc fruits/vegetables a few decades ago, has a wide selection of cheese. Solely based on this data we cannot conclude that people are not concerned about their intake of fatty cheese. As , just the introduction of a wide range of cheese is not evident of the fact that people are buying cheese too. The author has not provided any numbers to indicate that the sales of cheese products is more than the sales of fruits to conclude lack of concern about the cheese intake.

Secondly, the author cites the example of House of Beef Restaurant being millionaires, when compared to vegtarian restaurant owners. Again this is not substantiated by numbers and content. Maybe people go to House of beef and still order vegetarian food, as they make it better, maybe the dishes are priced high in House of Beef, and hence owners are more profitable, maybe the owners have other sources of income and therefore they are millionaires. It can be any of these or other reasons for the owners to be millionaires, but this fact alone is not sufficient to indicate that intake of red meat has increased, and people are now not concerned about their meat intake.

Thus, the author's premises,the basis for his argument lack any legitimate evidentiary support and hence, render his conclusion unacceptable.

In addition to the premises, the author makes several assumptions that remain unproven.

He assumes that buying more cheese, and spending more at a beef restaurant implies that people are not as concerned about their meat and cheese intake. However, he fails to consider alternatives such as exercising and working out to balance the high intake; maybe the present lifestyle is more strenuous and demands more consumption of meat and cheese. Ther might be other reasons to increase their meat and cheese intake - high nutrional value, easy availability as compared to fruits/vegetables, cost.

Thus, the author weakens his argument by making assumptions and failing to provide explication of links between stores and restaurants and intake of meat/cheese he assumes exists.

While the author does have several key issues in his argument's premises and assumptions, that is not to saythat the entire argument is without base. However, presenting statistical numbers such as sales figures at the stores, number of people visting the restaurants and the prices of the dishes and the types of dishes served, and lack of any other source of income for the owners of High Beef Restaurant, would strengthen the argument. Thus with these facts clarified , his argument could improve significantly.

In its present state, the author's argument is not convincing and persuasive as it is based on unsupported premises, and unsubstantiated assumptions. If the author really wants to convince the reader that people are no longer considered about regulating their meat intake,he should clearlyexplain his assumptions and provide evidentiary support.

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by KapTeacherEli » Sat Aug 31, 2013 11:06 am
Hi Jekyll,

This one gets a 3, unfortunately. This one has several sections that detract from the understanding of your thesis. Your opening paragraph, for example, appears to be arguing in favor of the author's opinion--you restate it as if it were your own. Your language is also very hard to understand--the grammar really struggles on the third paragraph, for instance. There are issues with misplaced and misused commas ( As , just the introduction ), misused words (unsubstantiated), misused idioms (evident of), etc. Make sure you're building time into your writing to proofread!

Best of luck,
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by jekyll12345 » Sun Sep 01, 2013 6:22 pm
The following appeared in the personal finance section of a popular magazine:

"The average price of an acre of land in the United States is now 50 times what it was in 1970, and nearly 200 times what it was in 1920. The nation's population is projected to keep increasing, even as the amount of land remains constant. Therefore, people who are approaching retirement should invest heavily in real estate in order to ensure their financial security."




Answer-

The author's conclusion that people who are approaching retirement should invest heavily in real estate in order to ensure their financial security is ill-founded. He has based this argument on the premises that land prices have risen exponentially in the past, and he assumes that they will continue to do so. Also, he says that though the population continues to increase, amount of land will remain constant.The memo fails to provide any proof for both these premises.

The argument is based on the assumption that land prices will continue to rise, as there will be an increase in demand of land and less supply. However, he fails to consider the fact that in the future, humans might have erased the forest cover, so the land which is presently not occupied would be available too. Also, future space exploration programmes might become successful, and there may be space colonies availabe for settlements. Also, the assumption that population may continue to increase is based on the assumption that there will be no epidemic or natural calamity.

Secondly, the author fails to explore other sources of financial security as investment in bonds, stocks and shares. He assumes that real estate is the best investment for financial security, but fails to highlight how and why. Real estate requires huge amounts of money, and with no gurantee that one will get an appreciated amount when there is a need.

Thirdly, he says that people who are approaching retirement should invest in real estate, he doesn't specify when they should start investing. Here, again he assumes that by the retirement age, they would have enough capital to invest in real estate.

Because the argument fails to address multiple issues it is neither sound nor persuasive.If the viewpoints provided could be complemented with raw data such as projected prices of land after 10,20,30 years from now and examples to show that real estate is the best investment to ensure financial security, the argument would be more thorough and convincing.

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by pirmunas » Mon Sep 02, 2013 11:45 am
Hi, KapTeacherEli!

Could you clarify one of your remark: "Making your own suggestions in your final paragraph is missing the main point of this essay, and detracts from your argument."

I have always thought that providing your own suggestions is a plus in AWA, isn't it?

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by KapTeacherEli » Mon Sep 02, 2013 7:56 pm
pirmunas wrote:Hi, KapTeacherEli!

Could you clarify one of your remark: "Making your own suggestions in your final paragraph is missing the main point of this essay, and detracts from your argument."

I have always thought that providing your own suggestions is a plus in AWA, isn't it?
SOrry for not being clear--making your own suggestions for what is the correct conclusion is missing the point of the essay. It doesn't matter whether you, personally, believe that American dietary habits are changing. What matters is whether the author made his case or not! You should suggest the type of evidence the author could or should supply, but your task is not to supply it yourself.

Hope this helps!
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by pavithra14 » Fri Sep 06, 2013 4:10 am
can someone plss rate my essay !!
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by sahilchaudhary » Fri Sep 13, 2013 12:49 am
Thanks for all the reviews by the Kap teacher.
This has helped me to evaluate my essay to a certain extent.
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by Nathalie » Sat Nov 09, 2013 6:54 pm
Hi! I worked on the same Kaplan essay too. A review from experts and peers will be greatly appreciated.

Thanks,
Nat

>>>

The writer suggests increasing the price of postage stamps as it will bring benefits from three specific aspects - gain revenue, reduce volume of mail and improve workers' morale. Unfortunately, the postage price increase is not a quick pill to solve all these major issues, and leaves a large burning question about long-term sustainability of the postal services. Coupled with scant information, the writer makes leaps of judgement resulting the reader to question the effectiveness of the plan.

First, how much increase in postage prices is the writer proposing? As a government service, affordability is a critical factor and depending on the severity of the losses at the postal service, it may likely require more than a marginal increase of postage prices. Furthermore, mail services is not the only source of revenue. Timely adjustment to inflation is necessary, but there may be other business areas within the postal service that can effectively increase rates. Also, government assistance should be sought to keep a service to the general public not only afloat but also effective.

Second, and linked to the fact that the postage increase still needs to be affordable, how much would it really be a deterrent to most customers that will reduce mail volume? Regular users would still send Seasons Greeting cards and their snail mail regardless, while corporations will likely pay the additional charges for their delivery or advertising as it is part of their business.

Thirdly, would the increase postage prices really improve workers' morale? The writer does not elaborate on the causes of the low morale, which can include a variety of reasons including being overworked, underpaid or dissatisfaction over daily routine. This is a pity, because the postal industry was once characterized by their discipline and regularity, that people will get their mail come rain, snow or shine. Typically, morale issues are related to both monetary and job satisfaction - and unfortunately, the postage price increase will only offer a solution for the former but not the later causes for lack of morale.

Interestingly, many argue that postal services can never be replaced - but there are others who also believe that emails and the Internet may have the potential of changing this industry in the near future. Disruptive forces can have unintended and damaging effects on a company that does not strive to remain relevant. In conclusion, the writer should take into consideration if a postage price increase will really improve the three major issues identified, and to consider a long term solution.