The following appeared as part of an annual report sent to stockholders by Olympic Foods, a processor of frozen foods:
"Over time, the costs of processing go down because as organizations learn how to do things better, they become more efficient. In color film processing, for example, the cost of a 3-by-5-inch print fell from 50 cents fro five-day service in 1970 to 20 cents for one-day service in 1984. The same principle applies to the processing of food. And since Olympic Foods will soon celebrate its 25th birthday, we can expect othat our long experience will enable us to minimize costs and this maximize profits."
Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. ....
The Author of the report argues that the efficiency of organisations increase over time, since organisations learn how to do things better. Following his example for color film processing, he concludes that the same applies to the frozen food processing. This argument appears to be weak for mainly two reasons.
Firstly, the author compares two very different industries to arrive at the conclusion why the frozen food processor should maximise profits. There is, however, no evidence to suggest that the two industries behave in the same way.
There is no connection made to the frozen food processing industry.
Furthermore, the passage does not even suggest that the color film processing organisation itself has become more efficient through improving their skills. The color film processing industry might have gone through major technological development in the timeframe mentioned, which reduced the cost and time of printing. This would have led to a more efficient way to print, however does not suggest the efficiency increase by a particular organisation through learning how to do things better.
A similar development could happen to the frozen food processing industry, but there is no evidence to support this. There is no evidence to support that the frozen food organisation has become more efficient.
Secondly, presupposing there is a related efficiency increase in both industries, the time frame mentioned in the paragraph for the film processing is much shorter than the existence of the frozen food processing organisation. It may well be that the frozuen food organisation is already at a point, where time alone will not increase the efficiency of the company. No reference is made to how long it will take either industry to reach such a point.
To conclude, the argument is flawed since there is no evidence to suggest the comparability of the two industries. Hence there is no support for the conclusion why the stakeholder should be in a position to expect maximum profits.
The argument could be severly strengthened if an example from the frozen food industry would be taken, or at least from an obviously related industry.
Otherwise, an explanation why the color film processing would behave similar to the frozen food processing, would support the author in his conclusion.
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brianlange77
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ODOAKER:
Thanks for reaching out here -- a few high-level thoughts/reactions. First off, I think your essay could use some better format/structure. Intro + 3 Body Paragraphs + Conclusion.
Second, don't use 10 words when 5 will do. Some of your sentences get long and I don't think it is always necessary. Sentence variation is good. To that point, not every sentence needs to have multiple clauses, offset comma phrases, etc.
Tips/suggestions:
Take a look at this great article from Stacey -- lots of great tips on how to be thinking about and organizing essays -- https://www.manhattangmat.com/blog/index ... no-thanks/
Second, go to the OG and read the example 2/4/6 essays -- gives you an idea of what those essays look like.
Third -- this essay is probably somewhere between a 3.5 and a 4.5. Which, for many is good enough. Don't go crazy on the essay -- more 'real' points to be gained on quant/verbal.
Fourth -- do the above and rewrite. Post again and I'll give you compare/contrast thoughts.
Thanks!
-Brian
Thanks for reaching out here -- a few high-level thoughts/reactions. First off, I think your essay could use some better format/structure. Intro + 3 Body Paragraphs + Conclusion.
Second, don't use 10 words when 5 will do. Some of your sentences get long and I don't think it is always necessary. Sentence variation is good. To that point, not every sentence needs to have multiple clauses, offset comma phrases, etc.
Tips/suggestions:
Take a look at this great article from Stacey -- lots of great tips on how to be thinking about and organizing essays -- https://www.manhattangmat.com/blog/index ... no-thanks/
Second, go to the OG and read the example 2/4/6 essays -- gives you an idea of what those essays look like.
Third -- this essay is probably somewhere between a 3.5 and a 4.5. Which, for many is good enough. Don't go crazy on the essay -- more 'real' points to be gained on quant/verbal.
Fourth -- do the above and rewrite. Post again and I'll give you compare/contrast thoughts.
Thanks!
-Brian
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Brian Lange
Instructor, Manhattan GMAT
Expert Contributor to Beat The GMAT
Merci, Danke, Grazie, Gracias -- Whichever way you say it, if you found my post helpful, please click on the 'thank' icon in the top right corner of this post.
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Brian Lange
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brianlange77
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Awesome! Feel free to ping me back here with your rewritten essay (or even take a stab at writing out a response to a new essay topic) and I'll be more than happy to take a look, provide thoughts around strengths/weaknesses, etc.odoaker wrote:Thanks a lot, Brian!
Your comments are really helpful and I shall go through the articles/samples and rewrite the essay.
Odoaker
Enjoy!
-Brian
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Brian Lange
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Merci, Danke, Grazie, Gracias -- Whichever way you say it, if you found my post helpful, please click on the 'thank' icon in the top right corner of this post.
And I encourage you to click on 'follow' to track all my posts -- all the cool kids are doing it!
Brian Lange
Instructor, Manhattan GMAT
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Merci, Danke, Grazie, Gracias -- Whichever way you say it, if you found my post helpful, please click on the 'thank' icon in the top right corner of this post.
And I encourage you to click on 'follow' to track all my posts -- all the cool kids are doing it!
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odoaker
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Dear Brian,
please take a look at the rewritten essay and let me know if you see an improvement.
I will read some more sample essays and wait for your reply. Wednesday I am doing a full practice GMAT, so an essay on a new topic will follow then.
Thanks,
Odoaker
The Author of the report argues that the efficiency of organisations increase over time, since organisations learn how to do things better. Following his example for color film processing, he concludes that the same applies to the frozen food processing. Although there may be parallels between the two examples given, the author's argument is flawed, reaching a misleading conclusion. This will be shown by elaborating that there is little or no correlation between the two examples given by the author.
The main flaw of the the author's conclusion lies in his inference from one to another industry. He argues that if efficiency improves in one industry for some reason, the same is valid for another. However, there is no connection made between the two industries and there is no evidence to suggest that they behave in a similar way. E.g. a worker in the color film processing reaches a higher skill level and can therefore process color films more quickly. Therefore he increases his productivity and profits may increase due that factor. However, in the frozen food plant, it may well be that the efficiency of the workers is restricted by the efficiency of the machines they operate. If the machines are operated at the most efficient level, more skill would not lead to increased productivity and higher profits. Since the frozen food processor is already 25 years in operation, the plant may even be in such a state where the machines cannot run much more efficiently. We would need a comparison of two similar industries with comparable factors in order to evaluate the argument more deeply.
Furthermore, the passage does not even suggest that the color film processing organisation itself has become more efficient through improving their skills. The color film processing industry might have gone through major technological development in the timeframe mentioned, which reduced the cost and time of printing. This would have led to a more efficient way to print, however not to a higher productivity level of the worker. On the contrary, this is an example where a skilled worker could become redundant even though the costs have been reduced. Hence, there is no sufficient evidence in the passage to suggest that the efficiency increase by a particular organisation came from learning how to do things better. The example of the technology advancement could be valid for the frozen food processer, however a correlation is not apparent.
To conclude, the argument is flawed since there is no evidence to suggest the comparability of the two industries. Hence there is no support for the conclusion why the stakeholder should be in a position to expect maximum profits. The argument could be severly strengthened if an example from the frozen food industry would be taken, or at least from an obviously related industry. Otherwise, an explanation why, if at all, the color film processing would behave similar to the frozen food processing, would support the author in his conclusion.
please take a look at the rewritten essay and let me know if you see an improvement.
I will read some more sample essays and wait for your reply. Wednesday I am doing a full practice GMAT, so an essay on a new topic will follow then.
Thanks,
Odoaker
The Author of the report argues that the efficiency of organisations increase over time, since organisations learn how to do things better. Following his example for color film processing, he concludes that the same applies to the frozen food processing. Although there may be parallels between the two examples given, the author's argument is flawed, reaching a misleading conclusion. This will be shown by elaborating that there is little or no correlation between the two examples given by the author.
The main flaw of the the author's conclusion lies in his inference from one to another industry. He argues that if efficiency improves in one industry for some reason, the same is valid for another. However, there is no connection made between the two industries and there is no evidence to suggest that they behave in a similar way. E.g. a worker in the color film processing reaches a higher skill level and can therefore process color films more quickly. Therefore he increases his productivity and profits may increase due that factor. However, in the frozen food plant, it may well be that the efficiency of the workers is restricted by the efficiency of the machines they operate. If the machines are operated at the most efficient level, more skill would not lead to increased productivity and higher profits. Since the frozen food processor is already 25 years in operation, the plant may even be in such a state where the machines cannot run much more efficiently. We would need a comparison of two similar industries with comparable factors in order to evaluate the argument more deeply.
Furthermore, the passage does not even suggest that the color film processing organisation itself has become more efficient through improving their skills. The color film processing industry might have gone through major technological development in the timeframe mentioned, which reduced the cost and time of printing. This would have led to a more efficient way to print, however not to a higher productivity level of the worker. On the contrary, this is an example where a skilled worker could become redundant even though the costs have been reduced. Hence, there is no sufficient evidence in the passage to suggest that the efficiency increase by a particular organisation came from learning how to do things better. The example of the technology advancement could be valid for the frozen food processer, however a correlation is not apparent.
To conclude, the argument is flawed since there is no evidence to suggest the comparability of the two industries. Hence there is no support for the conclusion why the stakeholder should be in a position to expect maximum profits. The argument could be severly strengthened if an example from the frozen food industry would be taken, or at least from an obviously related industry. Otherwise, an explanation why, if at all, the color film processing would behave similar to the frozen food processing, would support the author in his conclusion.
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brianlange77
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A few thoughts -- better overall, still some room for improvement.odoaker wrote:Dear Brian,
please take a look at the rewritten essay and let me know if you see an improvement.
I will read some more sample essays and wait for your reply. Wednesday I am doing a full practice GMAT, so an essay on a new topic will follow then.
Thanks,
Odoaker
The Author of the report argues that the efficiency of organisations increase over time, since organisations learn how to do things better. Following his example for color film processing, he concludes that the same applies to the frozen food processing. Although there may be parallels between the two examples given, the author's argument is flawed, reaching a misleading conclusion. This will be shown by elaborating that there is little or no correlation between the two examples given by the author.
The main flaw of the the author's conclusion lies in his inference from one to another industry. He argues that if efficiency improves in one industry for some reason, the same is valid for another. However, there is no connection made between the two industries and there is no evidence to suggest that they behave in a similar way. E.g. a worker in the color film processing reaches a higher skill level and can therefore process color films more quickly. Therefore he increases his productivity and profits may increase due that factor. However, in the frozen food plant, it may well be that the efficiency of the workers is restricted by the efficiency of the machines they operate. If the machines are operated at the most efficient level, more skill would not lead to increased productivity and higher profits. Since the frozen food processor is already 25 years in operation, the plant may even be in such a state where the machines cannot run much more efficiently. We would need a comparison of two similar industries with comparable factors in order to evaluate the argument more deeply.
Furthermore, the passage does not even suggest that the color film processing organisation itself has become more efficient through improving their skills. The color film processing industry might have gone through major technological development in the timeframe mentioned, which reduced the cost and time of printing. This would have led to a more efficient way to print, however not to a higher productivity level of the worker. On the contrary, this is an example where a skilled worker could become redundant even though the costs have been reduced. Hence, there is no sufficient evidence in the passage to suggest that the efficiency increase by a particular organisation came from learning how to do things better. The example of the technology advancement could be valid for the frozen food processer, however a correlation is not apparent.
To conclude, the argument is flawed since there is no evidence to suggest the comparability of the two industries. Hence there is no support for the conclusion why the stakeholder should be in a position to expect maximum profits. The argument could be severly strengthened if an example from the frozen food industry would be taken, or at least from an obviously related industry. Otherwise, an explanation why, if at all, the color film processing would behave similar to the frozen food processing, would support the author in his conclusion.
-No abbreviations... don't use 'e.g.'
-Generally, when you start a sentence with a transition word like 'hence' it is almost always followed a comma
-Don't spell words incorrectly 'severly' is supposed to be 'severely'
-Still would love 3 body paragraphs + 1 intro + 1 conclusion...
Hope this helps?
-Brian
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Brian Lange
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Merci, Danke, Grazie, Gracias -- Whichever way you say it, if you found my post helpful, please click on the 'thank' icon in the top right corner of this post.
And I encourage you to click on 'follow' to track all my posts -- all the cool kids are doing it!
Brian Lange
Instructor, Manhattan GMAT
Expert Contributor to Beat The GMAT
Merci, Danke, Grazie, Gracias -- Whichever way you say it, if you found my post helpful, please click on the 'thank' icon in the top right corner of this post.
And I encourage you to click on 'follow' to track all my posts -- all the cool kids are doing it!
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brianlange77
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Great --- let me know where you net out!!odoaker wrote:Thanks a lot, Brian!!!
I will work on it. I'll time myself again tomorrow and let you know. I promise to make it three body paragraphs
Regards,
Odoaker
-Brian
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Brian Lange
Instructor, Manhattan GMAT
Expert Contributor to Beat The GMAT
Merci, Danke, Grazie, Gracias -- Whichever way you say it, if you found my post helpful, please click on the 'thank' icon in the top right corner of this post.
And I encourage you to click on 'follow' to track all my posts -- all the cool kids are doing it!
Brian Lange
Instructor, Manhattan GMAT
Expert Contributor to Beat The GMAT
Merci, Danke, Grazie, Gracias -- Whichever way you say it, if you found my post helpful, please click on the 'thank' icon in the top right corner of this post.
And I encourage you to click on 'follow' to track all my posts -- all the cool kids are doing it!
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sidmaru123
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Dear Brian,
It would be of great help if you could evaluate my essay on the same topic.
Practice makes a man perfect is a very apt saying. The more any organization practices a certain work, the better it becomes.In the preceding statement,the report states that as Olympic Foods completes 25 years it is expected to minimize costs and maximize profits. The author presents a good and apt conclusion but not so convincing argument for the same. The author fails to determine other factors responsible for maximizing profits and minimizing costs.
The author is correct to state that as time passes costs of processing should decrease but the author does not encorporate a lot of marketing conditions such as inflation, demand, costs of raw products and competition. The costs of food processing are highly dependent on costs of raw materials and preservatives. The author fails to account for these. The ever increasing costs of labour are also not accounted for. The choice of the customer is of primary importance, which fuels stiff market competition and acceptance for the the product of highest quality. This quality is dependent on research combined with innovation which requires investment. The author accounts for none.As investment would increase the profits are bound to decrease for a certain time period.
The comparison with color film processing might be aesthetically beautiful but it is not a true reflection of the situation. The report does not give any reasons for the decrease in costs of a 3- by 5- inch print from 1970 to 1984. There is no concrete reason to believe that the Olympic Foods organisation might follow the same trend. The color film company might have decreased its costs and also its profits to widen its customer base.The report does not state that color film processing made profit in 1984. Assumign that decrease in costs led to profit is far-fetched.The price of raw products could have decreased for Color Film which might not be the case for Olympic Foods.
In sum, though as time goes any company finds better andmore efficient ways to process a product but it is not necessary that the better methods would lead to more profits. Without favourable marketing conditions and better research and development the company might actually lose customers leading to higher prices and decrease in profits.
It would be of great help if you could evaluate my essay on the same topic.
Practice makes a man perfect is a very apt saying. The more any organization practices a certain work, the better it becomes.In the preceding statement,the report states that as Olympic Foods completes 25 years it is expected to minimize costs and maximize profits. The author presents a good and apt conclusion but not so convincing argument for the same. The author fails to determine other factors responsible for maximizing profits and minimizing costs.
The author is correct to state that as time passes costs of processing should decrease but the author does not encorporate a lot of marketing conditions such as inflation, demand, costs of raw products and competition. The costs of food processing are highly dependent on costs of raw materials and preservatives. The author fails to account for these. The ever increasing costs of labour are also not accounted for. The choice of the customer is of primary importance, which fuels stiff market competition and acceptance for the the product of highest quality. This quality is dependent on research combined with innovation which requires investment. The author accounts for none.As investment would increase the profits are bound to decrease for a certain time period.
The comparison with color film processing might be aesthetically beautiful but it is not a true reflection of the situation. The report does not give any reasons for the decrease in costs of a 3- by 5- inch print from 1970 to 1984. There is no concrete reason to believe that the Olympic Foods organisation might follow the same trend. The color film company might have decreased its costs and also its profits to widen its customer base.The report does not state that color film processing made profit in 1984. Assumign that decrease in costs led to profit is far-fetched.The price of raw products could have decreased for Color Film which might not be the case for Olympic Foods.
In sum, though as time goes any company finds better andmore efficient ways to process a product but it is not necessary that the better methods would lead to more profits. Without favourable marketing conditions and better research and development the company might actually lose customers leading to higher prices and decrease in profits.
