GMAT Essays (AWA)

In some countries, television and radio programs are carefully censored for offensive

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please rate my essay. My first attempt.
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In some countries, television and radio programs are carefully censored for offensive language and behavior. In other countries, there is little or no censorship

The extent to which the government should censor television and radio programs is a controvertial one. One one hand, the goverment guarentees its citizen the basic right of speech and expression , on the other hand it censors broadcast programs to protect its citizens from offensive language and behaviour. Although I respect the right of freedom of expression, offensive language and behaviour have negative effects on the society and therefore, in my opinion, must be cencored by the goverment.

Firstly, in today's world, television and radio reach the remotest part of the world. People who watch these programs, identify themselves with the characters and often try to imitate them.Therefore, people try to use bad language and behaviour in their real life which creates a unhealthy environment. These programs also have a lasting effect on children who often think it is "cool" to use offensive language (since it appeared in television/radio). Thus, these broadcasts affect the general health of the socity.

Secondly, while one may use offensive language to express one's freedom of expression, the right of the receipient of such behaviour and language is compromised. Not only is the receipents subjected to such behavious, his emotionala nd mental well being is affected. .
A good example would be Ann vs Fred where Ann published offensive remarks about Fred's work in a magazine. This lead to Fred being fired from his company and unable to find any work. However, in the judicial case that followed, Ann was unable to prove any remarks that she had made in the magazine.


To sum it all, while the governemnt grants and ensures freedom of speech, it also needs to protect its citizens from unwanted and unnessasary effects arising from it. Therefore, it needs to censor television and radio programs for the health of the society

Since you gave an opinion, I'm assuming this is an Analysis of an Issue essay.

In Analysis of an Issue essays, I recommend picking a point of view and sticking to it right away (instead of stating in the very beginning that this is a "controversial" issue, or the like). Also, I like five paragraph formats (an introductory paragraph, three body paragraphs, a conclusion), with one real-world example per paragraph. Each example should be a proper noun (name, place, work of literature, etc.). This gives you enough time to substantiate each example, while also rounding out your essay nicely.

That said, the general layout of your essay is good, but try to leave enough time at the end to carefully proofread your essay for grammatical and spelling mistakes.

I would give this essay a 3. Hope this helps, and good luck!

Thanks Jim. Your comments are very helpful. I will work on the points you mentioned.