Please rate my essay (have my GMAT in 5 days)

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Argument Topic: "According to the most recent survey of our readers, nearly 70% of the respondents indicated that they are planning to build or purchase a new home over the next 2 years. These results indicate that the growth in the construction industry is likely to accelerate in the near future. Therefore, this industry continues to offer lucrative opportunities for investment."

In the argument stated above the author concludes that construction industry is like to witness accelerated growth in the near future and therefore, continues to offer lucrative investment opportunities. This conclusion relies on the results of survey which indicates that 70% of the respondents plan to build or purchase a new home over the next 2 years. The argument is not logically convincing as it is based on some questionable assumptions and omits out some important concerns.
Firstly, the important details of the survey like no of people who participated in it or the region where the survey was conducted are not mentioned in the argument. These are important as they indicate the reliability of the results obtained through surveying. For example, if the survey included very few people or was restricted to a small region where construction business may not yield much profits, the results may be misleading.
Secondly, it says that many people plan to build or purchase a new house .If most of them opt for already built houses, then demand for constructing new houses will not rise much. Therefore, the author should have specified the number of people who want to build a new house. Also, the number of built houses available at present should have been mentioned.
Thirdly, the argument says that industry continues to offer lucrative opportunities for investment. The word "continues" in the conclusion indicates that the current rate of growth of construction industry is also high. But there is no evidence for this in the argument.
Therefore, it can be concluded that the argument is not well-reasoned because of the reasons given above. Had the author included the specific details of the survey it would have been a better one.

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by KapTeacherEli » Wed Aug 15, 2012 9:17 am
Hi nikhita,

This essay gets a 5. Good job!

You correctly reason three examples, and back each one up by evidence. Your paragraphs are all a little spare at 3 sentences each--it would have been nice to have a little more in-depth explanation. But better to keep things simple than to puff your essay up with nonsense! Don't add points unless they are well thought out. Something simple as this is more than sufficient.

Do add more time for proofreading, though. You are missing multiple commas throughout your essay, and abbreviations like "no" for "number" are not acceptable. If you want that 6, you should aim for an essay that's immaculate.

Good work so far, and good luck on Test Day!
Eli Meyer
Kaplan GMAT Teacher
Cambridge, MA
www.kaptest.com/gmat

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