Pleas analyze (and grade) the essay

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Pleas analyze (and grade) the essay

by faraday88 » Mon Aug 13, 2012 6:37 am
Question: The following appeared in a memorandum from the business department of the Apogee Company:

"When the Apogee Company had all its operations in one location, it was more profitable than it it today. Therefore, the Apogee Company should close down its field offices and conduct all its operations from a single location. Such centralization would improve profitability by cutting costs and helping the company maintain better supervision of all employees".

YOUR RESPONSE:

The argument above states that centralization will raise the profitability of Apogee Company by reducing the costs and conducting operations from one center. Though the argument may seem cogent at first, it is not well substantiated; therefore it fails to persuade us.
First, the author does not provide any specific statistics to support her claim. We don't know anything about the difference between the company's current profits and those five years ago. The lack of quantitative information that would bolster this argument does not allow to accept the argument as warranted.
Second, the author fails to mention the shortcomings that can stem from the centralization of Apogee Company. Performing all operations form one center means to bring all employees to a single location; this in its turn requires a large office, parking lot etc. which are additional costs for the company and can nullify other advantages. Furthermore, this will not be equally beneficial for all workers, because some of them probably don't live near the prospective single center. The delays that may be inevitable in this case can hinder the efficiency of the argument.
The lack of statistics and the disadvantages that centralization can pose weaken the author's argument. The author would strength her argument by supplying information about profits of company and assuring that the advantages of centralization will outweigh its shortcomings. Without this, the argument sounds unwarranted.

Thank you!

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by KapTeacherEli » Tue Aug 14, 2012 7:28 pm
Hi Faraday,

I'd rate this essay as a 4.

It has the core elements of a good essay. You begin by analyzing the argument, you have two solid points in two paragraphs, and conclude appropriately that the argument is unpersuasive. That's a great start!

However, you need to go deeper into the issue to get a higher score. For instance: HOW could the qualitative information about the profits affect our analysis? Under what circumstances would specific information about profits prove the author wrong? What information would prove him RIGHT?

Answer such questions to show you thought deeply about the prompt, and a 5 or 6 is within reach. Good job!

Regards,
Eli Meyer
Kaplan GMAT Teacher
Cambridge, MA
www.kaptest.com/gmat

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