Please rate my AWA essay!

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Please rate my AWA essay!

by mamagtan » Sat Aug 11, 2012 8:26 pm
ESSAY QUESTION:
The following appeared in The Homebuilder magazine, a local publication with a focus on construction and sale of real-estate properties:

"According to the most recent survey of our readers, nearly 70% of the respondents indicated that they are planning to build or purchase a new home over the next 2 years. These results indicate that the growth in the construction industry is likely to accelerate in the near future. Therefore, this industry continues to offer lucrative opportunities for investment."

Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. Point out flaws in the argument's logic and analyze the argument's underlying assumptions. In addition, evaluate how supporting evidence is used and what evidence might counter the argument's conclusion. You may also discuss what additional evidence could be used to strengthen the argument or what changes would make the argument more logically sound.

YOUR RESPONSE:

The Homebuilder magazine's recent argument is that the construction industry will see an increased demand within the next two years. This is due to a recent survey that they conducted that found that 70% of respondents will buy or build a home in the near future. While this argument has some valid points, there are three obvious flaws. The construction industry will not be a lucrative opportunity for investment because this survey does not have concrete evidence, and it is severely biased.

The first flaw in this argument is that they are selling an investment based on a survey. The respondents are planning to build or purchase a home, but it is not definite. A survey indicating that 70% of respondents are planning to buy or build a home, can drop significantly. A better measurement of the acceleration of the construction industry would be to research the amount of building permits that have been requested. When searching for investments, research should be based on concrete facts, not surveys conducted by magazines.

Secondly, this survey focuses on a very narrow population. Readers of The Homebuilder, a magazine focused on construction and real-estate property sales, are more than likely interested in building or buying a new home. Therefore, the results of a survey about planning to buy or a build a new home is heavily skewed.

The Homebuilder's assumption that the construction industry will see an increased growth in the next couple of years is not accurate. The evidence used in the argument is not solid and the results of the survey is biased.


Thanks in advance!

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by KapTeacherEli » Sun Aug 12, 2012 11:19 am
Hi mamagtan,

This essay gets a 4. Good job on the organization! You structure your thoughts well. And, your points are both well reasoned--a survey isn't the best way to analyze this data, and the particular survey is particularly biased indeed.

You need to support your points further. In particular, your second paragraph would have been significantly improved by specific reasons that the 70% can "drop significantly." Might people lie? Might people overestimate their personal wealth? Also, you mentioned three points in your introduction--I only saw two in the essay! And finally, your own conclusion is unsupported. You say that the prediction "is not accurate," but your essay doesn't actually prove that. It proves that the argument is unfounded, but that's not the same as saying its conclusion is wrong!

Keep up the good work, practice, and you're sure to improve--good luck!
Eli Meyer
Kaplan GMAT Teacher
Cambridge, MA
www.kaptest.com/gmat

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