Rate My Essay! GMAT in 6 days

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Rate My Essay! GMAT in 6 days

by samme0407 » Tue Jul 31, 2012 9:44 am
"Most companies would agree that as the risk of physical injury occurring on the job increases, the wages paid to employees should also increase. Hence it makes financial sense for employers to make the workplace safer: they could thus reduce their payroll expenses and save money."
Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.


It is a reasonable assumption to make that employers should make a substantial effort to ensure workplace saftey. This is evident in all lines of business whether the tasks preformed are at a greater risk for injury or not. To say that the of physical injury is directly correlated to higher wages would completely disreguard the abilities of the task at hand. It cannot be concluded that the wages should be higher, but it is imperative of the employer to ensure the safest working environment possible.

First, in today's society businesses undertake excessive costs to operate everyday. With constant regulations by Federal, State, and Local governments inforced, businesses find themselves continuously under fire for hidden costs. If they work hard to maintain a safer work environment they have a greater chance of dodging the millions of dollars in fines OSAHA (Occupational Saftey and Health Administration) deliveres each year. Avoiding excessive costs from organizations specializing in safety is just one part of saving money.

Secondly, businesses should consider what ensuring a safer environment would do to decrease their payroll expenses. Some of the more commonly known insurance providers, such as Blue Cross Blue Sheild, are know for working with businesses to provide medical and dental plans to supplement the costs for employers and employees healthcare. On basic insurance plans the company typically pays 50% of the monthly premium, or a comparable rate compared to the amount of claims. If a business experiences a significant increase in the amount of insurance claims their premiums will rise, inturn incurring more payroll expenses. By providing a safer working enviromnet will help to decrease the premiums paid by the employer and employee.

Finally, by working to make the work environment safer, businesses would be able to reduce the work-man's compensation expenses. Conscious efforts made by employers to esure that areas are maintained, proper cautionary signs are in place, and the proper training is executed cuts down exponentially. The extra effort on the employers side would help to cut payroll and healthcare costs that the employer faces.

In conclusion, the author makes a reasonable assumption that it is in the best financial interest of the employer to make the workplace safer. If small steps are in place to ensure the safety of employees it can save the employer from penalties, higher payroll expenses due to insurance premiums, and work-man's compensation expenses.

I have attached my practice writing paper (my first one). Please rate it, and comment on what needs to be fixed!

Thanks,
Sam

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by KapTeacherEli » Thu Aug 02, 2012 5:59 pm
Hi Sam,

Unfortunately, this essay would not get a good grade on Test Day.

Take a closer look at the question you are asked on this essay--"...be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking..."

You wrote an opinion essay about whether businesses should maintain safe work environments. You wrote a GOOD opinion essay, but that doesn't matter, because that wasn't your assigned task.

A good scoring essay for this prompt would point out a number of problems with the prompt as it's written. You might point out that the evidence is about what "should" happen to payroll, but we have no evidence that what should happen really happens. Also, you could establish that the expenditure on safety might more than offset the savings in wages. And, you could argue that once wages are set, you can't lower those pay rates without crushing morale and losing workers to competitors--even if the risks of the business have been severely reduced. Finally, you would need to explain the circumstances under which the author might be right: how can he strengthen his argument?

Remember that the argument you receive for the essay is always flawed, and intentionally so. You must point out, and correct, those flaws--if you do anything else, your essay will not be rated satisfactory.

Good luck on your Test Day!

Regards,
Eli Meyer
Kaplan GMAT Teacher
Cambridge, MA
www.kaptest.com/gmat

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