Hi All
I have written my first essay based on the format provided by my faculty at a local GMAT training provider.
I want to practice more essays. please rate and review and let me know is the format fine so that i can follow it.
Thanks a ton in advance
Regards
"Over the past decade, the restaurant industry in the country of Spiessa has experienced unprecedented growth. This surge can be expected to continue in the coming years, fueled by recent social changes: personal incomes are rising, more leisure time is available, single-person households are more common, and people have a greater interest in gourmet food, as evidenced by a proliferation of publications on the subject." Discuss how well reasoned . . .
My response
According to argument, Author concludes that restaurant industry in spiessa will experience the growth it has shown in past decade for more time to come. He bases his conclusion on insufficient premise such as rising personal income, more leisure time and single person household becoming common.
The author assumes many aspects and his assumption are flawed
First author assumes that cost of living will not increase or stay constant. If there is cost of living increase then people would like to save even if they have time to spend on gourmet food. Here author does not say anything about it. A steep cost of living increase can even decrease the growth of restaurant industry.
Second, he assumes that proliferation of publication on the subject on gourmet food is an indicator for people's interest, all industries to promote themselves through publications so it could be paid publication, here author doesn't tell about what kind of publications are talking about gourmet food.
Third he assumes that, more leisure time a person gets with good income level he would like to hang out to restaurant. Here author assumes that people don't like to cook on their own if they have time to do that. Author doest state anything about it.
Additionally author assumes that growth in the restaurant industry is because of local populace only. Here author has assumed that tourism has not played any role in the growth of restaurant industry. If tourism is one of the main reason for growth of industry and incase tourist visits to country will decrease in coming time then there could be decrease in the growth of restaurant industry. Author has failed to address any point on this.
Author argument may be justified in case. In case Author had given substantial evidence for his claims by sharing research reports as people with high personal income, more leisure time, single household will eat more in restaurants and cost of living will remain the same.
The argument is vulnerable since, there could be various factors that may cause decline or increase in restaurant industry such as
People may cook in their home as they have good leisure time.
Publishers may be publishing to create hype in favor of industry.
The argument would be better constructed if some potential queries were addressed, few include
Do people like to eat outside if they have more income, leisure time?
Will the cost of living remain the same?
Are these the only reasons why people eat in restaurants?
Thus, based on reasons above, the argument is ill constructed
Please review my essay
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Hi
I would rate this essay no more than 4.
Issues:
(1) Poor reasoning
(2) Poor structure and organization
(3) Grammatical flaws
You need to understand the meaning of each of the terms you use (premises, assumptions, arguments, conclusion). For example in the first paragraph you said that the author's premises are "insufficient". It would be better to say that the author's premises are unsubstantiated or questionable. Moreover rising income, increasing publications etc ARE NOT premises, they are evidences. Don't confuse evidence with premise.
Read some good essays on BTG forums (essays that experienced teachers have awarded 5 and above) and see how you could bring a better structure to your own essays.
I would rate this essay no more than 4.
Issues:
(1) Poor reasoning
(2) Poor structure and organization
(3) Grammatical flaws
You need to understand the meaning of each of the terms you use (premises, assumptions, arguments, conclusion). For example in the first paragraph you said that the author's premises are "insufficient". It would be better to say that the author's premises are unsubstantiated or questionable. Moreover rising income, increasing publications etc ARE NOT premises, they are evidences. Don't confuse evidence with premise.
Read some good essays on BTG forums (essays that experienced teachers have awarded 5 and above) and see how you could bring a better structure to your own essays.
- KapTeacherEli
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Hi Ganesh,
This essay gets a 3.
As Kartik pointed out, you need to work on your grammar--in particular, your sentence structure, which includes several run-ons and several sentence fragments.
You also need a better logical flow of ideas. Your fourth point about tourism and your first point about income levels are very closely related; it didn't make sense for them to be on opposite sides of your essay!
Finally, you need to develop your points. YOu have four distinct points, but each only gets two sentences of description at most. Spend more time analyzing cases where the author's assumptions could or couldn't be true.
I hope this helps, and best of luck in your studies!
This essay gets a 3.
As Kartik pointed out, you need to work on your grammar--in particular, your sentence structure, which includes several run-ons and several sentence fragments.
You also need a better logical flow of ideas. Your fourth point about tourism and your first point about income levels are very closely related; it didn't make sense for them to be on opposite sides of your essay!
Finally, you need to develop your points. YOu have four distinct points, but each only gets two sentences of description at most. Spend more time analyzing cases where the author's assumptions could or couldn't be true.
I hope this helps, and best of luck in your studies!
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Hi KapTeacherEli / karthik Shah
Thank you for reviewing and providing valuable insights.
I will improve on the points you people have mentioned
Kind Regards
Ganesh
Thank you for reviewing and providing valuable insights.
I will improve on the points you people have mentioned
Kind Regards
Ganesh