Please rate my AWA essay- GMAT this Tuesday :)

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Rate my AWA esaay

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The common notion that workers are generally apathetic about management issues is false, or at least outdated: a
recently published survey indicates that 79 percent of the nearly 1,200 workers who responded to survey
questionnaires expressed a high level of interest in the topics of corporate restructuring and redesign of benefits
programs." Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.



The latest buzz in the management circles these days is the newfound interest that the workers reportedly been showing in the areas of managerial decision making. This interest of workers whether just a fad or a genuine phenomenon remains to be seen. The aforementioned argument states that the workers have shunned their usual apathy towards managerial decision making and are showing active interest in managerial issues such as corporate restricting or redesign of benefits. Though the author's claim may have some merit, the author presents a poorly reasoned argument based on various unsubstantiated assumptions and faulty premises because of which we find it untenable.

The primary flaw in author's argument lies in its unsubstantiated premises. The author postulates a rise of worker's interest in managerial affairs and backs it up with a study conducted on 1200 workers. The conclusion drawn however is unsubstantiated because we cannot take 1200 workers as a sample representative of the entire working population. The author fails to mention whether the 1200 workers all come from the same industry or from different industries.
The argument does not detail the demographics of the sample population involved and makes hasty generalization about all workers in the industry. While workers in Colorado may confirm to the study findings, those in Texas may not find it appealing. The author does not include any information pertaining to the questions included in the survey and how the responses show an increase of worker's interest in managerial affairs. The areas of corporate restructuring and redesign of benefits are some of the areas which directly affects workers and capture their attention. But we cannot assume that workers are also interested in other areas of management issues, such as pricing or vendor management. Thus, the author's lack of evidentiary support renders his conclusion untenable.

While the author's argument is untenable and has some key issues with its premises and assumptions , that is not to say that the whole argument is without base. If the author substantiates that the 1200 workers who were interviewed represent a sample population taken from broad spectrum of industries , work types and demographical locations, then we can conclude that the study represents a valid sample to conclude from.Also, the author might want to explicate upon the type of questions used in the survey and how the responses showed an increase in workers interest in managerial issues. The author also can validate his argument if he can cite evidence that proves that workers are not interested in managerial decisions that directly affect them but all the managerial decisions.

In sum, the author's argument is illogical and with unsupported generalisations and faulty assumptions. The argument is open to attack because the author failed to built a concrete case for the rise of workers intrest in management and sounds like another fad from management journals. If the author truly supports the reader to change his mind and accept the argument as valid and logical, he has to substantiate his logic, and back up his generalization with tenable facts.

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by KapTeacherEli » Mon Jul 23, 2012 3:22 pm
Hi Objectify,

This essay gets a 5.

It's well structured, well reasoned, and well supported. Good job! However, it's clear that you're TRYING to write a fancy essay--and the attempt weakens your essay. You're misusing words like "unsubstantiated" and "untenable", and from your very first sentence, your longer sentences have errors (in that specific case, you're missing a "have.") Stick to language you know, and you'll do fine!

Regards,

Eli
Eli Meyer
Kaplan GMAT Teacher
Cambridge, MA
www.kaptest.com/gmat

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by legendhfwang » Tue Aug 28, 2012 5:59 pm
good work. I learned a lot both from the article and the expert evaluation...