“Over time, the costs of processing go down.."

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Please review and rate my essay and let me know the flaws in this, so that I can rectify them.
Thank you in advance.

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"Over time, the costs of processing go down because as organizations learn how to do things better, they become more efficient. In color film processing, for example, the cost of a 3-by-5-inch print fell from 50 cents for five-day service in 1970 to 20 cents for one-day service in 1984. The same principle applies to the processing of food. And since Olympic Foods will soon celebrate its 25th birthday, we can expect that our long experience will enable us to minimize costs and thus maximize profits.
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The argument that the cost of processing goes down overtime as the organizations learn how to do things better, they become more efficient, omits lots of issues to be addressed to substantiate the argument. The example that the argument follows made a wrong calculation as that cost has actually increased in the period from 1970 to 1984. Thus the points discussed and example in the argument does not constitute the success of the argument and failed to provide support to it.

Most conspicuously, the argument does not consider the reason to be successful. The argument firstly assumes as the time progresses the organization without any effort will learn to do things better and become efficient. Secondly, it assumes that becoming efficient might increase the profits of the organization. An organization to be successful mainly needs a proper management, good leadership or good efforts to make profits, it even needs to consider over all progress of the organization so far as the profits, efficiency and good work does not come in a day. The organization has to mark its progress at every step and should have taken steps to increase the efficiency, which would have helped them to gain profits. They even need to consider the increasing food costs, demand to their company and positive and negative response to their work from their customers. The argument above fails to consider all the above points which would constitute the success, rather it has referred an example which actually failed to draw the desired point. Just because it is going to complete 25 years or it is gaining experience would not lead profits to organization.

Because the argument leaves out several key issues, it is not sound or persuasive. If it included the items discussed above instead of solely taking an example to judge it, the argument would have been more thorough and convincing.
Last edited by rushitej on Tue Jul 17, 2012 9:33 pm, edited 3 times in total.

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by KapTeacherEli » Tue Jul 17, 2012 7:36 am
Hi rushitej,

I'm having a little trouble reading this because of the formatting. If you could edit the essay to there are TWO line-breaks between each paragraph, I'd be happy to come back and evaluate it!

Thanks,
Eli Meyer
Kaplan GMAT Teacher
Cambridge, MA
www.kaptest.com/gmat

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by rushitej » Tue Jul 17, 2012 9:32 pm
Hi Eli

Could you please try to evaluate the essay now, let me know if you still have any issue in reading the essay.

Thank you.

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by KapTeacherEli » Wed Jul 18, 2012 12:03 pm
Hi Rushitej,

Good effort on this essay, and thanks for reformatting it! Unfortunately, I can only give it a 2.

There are several things you can do to improve your writing. First, make sure that you clearly delineate your paragraphs. Your first paragraph should be an introduction to the argument--the flaws, such as the one about the actual value of money due to inflation, shouldn't make an appearance yet.

Second, stay on task. Your second paragraph reads like an old-fashioned issue essay, bringing in your own opinion and your own facts about the food industry. That isn't your task! You are specifically supposed to address that author's argument. Your essay should be focused specifically on his flawed comparison of food and of photography, and not on general facts about the food industry's business practices.

Take a look at some of the AWA guides in this forum, and at the sample essays in the Official Guide. Keep your paragraphs distinct, say on task, and you'll improve!

Good luck,
Eli Meyer
Kaplan GMAT Teacher
Cambridge, MA
www.kaptest.com/gmat

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by rushitej » Thu Jul 19, 2012 5:30 am
Hi Eli,

Thank you for you time and suggestions. I will surely work on the suggested areas and will improve it.

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by gomoros » Sat Dec 08, 2018 5:21 am
Could you please mark my answer as well. This is the first time I have taken this test and would be great to get an initial feedback. Thanks


The argument that over time costs of processing go down because organizations learn to do things better is somewhat flawed and omits serious concerns that must be addressed to substantiate the argument. The comparison that follows the statement, between the food and colour film processing industries brings rise to a set of questionable assumptions . As there may be many factors altering the cost of production between industries, this alone does not constitute to a logical argument in favour of a rise in profits, and it certainly does not provide support or proof for the main argument.

First, the argument assumes that experience automatically equates to a reduction in cost. In a weak attempt to support its claim, the argument compares the food processing industry to that of the colour print industry, assuming that they would follow similar paths. But if the cause of the colour prints' cost reduction was due to factors other than experience, such as the lower cost of machinery, change in personnel or reduction in cost of raw materials such as transport costs then this would not guarantee in any way a reduction in the cost of food processing today. To make the argument more logically sound, evidence of Olympic Food's marginal cost of production (year to date) should be shown proving that the cost of production is indeed following a trend like that assumed. Second, the prices used to compare the colour print processing are not comparable as they offer a different service. 50 cents for a 5 day service as opposed to 20 cents for a 1 day service is not a equivalent service as buying goods or services in bulk usually tend to be cheaper. Third, the argument never addresses the interlink between the health of the economy, the health of the company and how it translates to profit. The argument makes the assumption that a reduction in cost equates to an increase in profits. This can be a dangerous argument to make, thus guaranteeing profits to a set of stake holders without taking into consideration factors such as inflation, cost of raw materials, debt, projected sales, economic/political uncertainty, employee performance etc. Evidence of the company's accounts showing the company's financial health must be analysed before making claims of a projected increase in profits. The competition must also be considered to insure the price mark will not drop drastically and have a negative effect in profits. Finally, the argument does not provide any details of what can be done better due to the experience and instead uses a rather vague explanation of "things will be done better" thus giving no substance to their claims.

Because the argument leaves out several key issues, it is not sound or persuasive. If it included more items discussed above instead of solely using the flawed example of colour prints, the argument would have been more thorough and convincing.