AWA topic #1 - Please rate

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Please rate my essay

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Total votes: 1

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AWA topic #1 - Please rate

by thegmatexperience » Sat Jul 14, 2012 8:36 am
Hello,

I am a non-native English speaker and I started with my preparation for the GMAT about a week ago. This is my first essay and I am not so confident with my writing skills or better: with my logical structuring skills.

I would be very grateful if somebody could give me an advice.



The following appeared as part of an annual report sent to stockholders by Olympic Foods, a processor of frozen foods:
"Over time, the costs of processing go down because as organizations learn how to do things better, they become more efficient. In color film processing, for example, the cost of a 3-by-5-inch print fell from 50 cents for five-day service in 1970 to 20 cents for one-day service in 1984. The same principle applies to the processing of food. And since Olympic Foods will soon celebrate its 25th birthday, we can expect that our long experience will enable us to minimize costs and thus maximize profits."

Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.



In the preceding statement the author claims that Olympic Food will be able to reduce processing costs after 25 years of persistance. Though his claim may well have merit, the author presents a poorly reasoned argument based on several questionable premises and assumptions. Because of the insufficient evidence the author offers his argument cannot be accepted as valid.

The primary issue with the author's reasoning lies in his unsubstantiated premises. He begins by stating that over time organizations become more efficient because they learn how to do things better. While in general this might be true, it doesn't mean that if an organization manages to improve their marketing by investing more money in proper advertisement - which would suffice the requirements of this premise - the processing costs will automatically be lower.
The second premise regarding the author's example of film processing isn't any help for his conclusion since the premise obviously weakens his argument. In 1970 the cost for a 3-by-5 inch print cost 50 cents for five day service - thus 10 cents a day - in 1984 the processing cost were raised to 20 cents a day.
Moreover the author states that the same approach of film processing can be applied to food processing. Clearly the author misses to point out this connection since it is based on no evidance.
The author's premises, the basis of his argument, lack any legitimate evidentiary support and render his conclusion unacceptable.

In addition, the author makes several assumptions that remain unproven.
He forgets to point out that not every organization necessarily gathers experience over time and therefore lowers its processing costs. Moreover there are other factors that can lower processing costs as well. So just because a organization exists doesn't mean it ialso improves processing. There might be new and cheaper technology for processing, lower wages or lower prices of goods necessary for processing causing a reduction of costs thereof. Furthermore he states that dropping processing costs lead to more profit. Since there is competition on a free market profits will decline as well.
The author weakens his argument by making assumptions and failing to provide explication of the links between improvement and lowering processing costs he assums exist.

While the author has included various drawbacks into his argument's premises and assumptions, that is not to say that his entire argument is without base. If he would have clarified that organizations learn how to improve processing methods the argument's premise would hold. In addition, if he would have focussed on companies having a market monopoly his argument would have been strengthened. Also he could have based his argument on experience as the only factor of lowering the costs ruling out low wages, low prices of goods and cheaper technology. Though there are several issues with the author's reasoning at present, with research and clarification, he could have improved his argument significantly.

In sum, the author's illogical argument is based on unsupported premises and unsubstantiated assumptions that render his conclusion, learning how to do things better in an organization would lead to a decrease in processing costs, invalid.
If the author truly hopes to change his readers' minds on the issue, he would have to largely restructure his argument, fix the flaws in his logic, clearly explicate his assumptions and provide evidentiary support. Without these things, his poorly reasoned argument will likely convince few people.

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by KapTeacherEli » Sat Jul 14, 2012 9:31 am
Really nice job on this essay--it's well structured, well written, and well though! I gave it a 5. You made a logical error regarding the photos, though. "5-day service" doesn't mean 5 days OF service. It means a 5 day wait for your photographs to be developed. Your claim of 10 cents/day doesn't work for that reason.

Hope this helps!
Eli Meyer
Kaplan GMAT Teacher
Cambridge, MA
www.kaptest.com/gmat

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by thegmatexperience » Sat Jul 14, 2012 10:04 am
Thank you very much, Eli.

I just didn't understand the thing about the film so I was assuming it would be like that.

Thanks again for your rating. It's really motivating!

Other ratings are welcome as well!