Kindly rate my 4th AWA on this forum. Please guide.

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AWA Score (Out of 6)

6
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5
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4
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3
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2
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Total votes: 0

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ESSAY QUESTION:

The following appeared in the personal finance section of a popular magazine:

"The average price of an acre of land in the United States is now 50 times what it was in 1970, and nearly 200 times what it was in 1920. The nation's population is projected to keep increasing, even as the amount of land remains constant. Therefore, people who are approaching retirement should invest heavily in real estate in order to ensure their financial security."

Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.

MY RESPONSE:

The argument stand for the position that the people who are approaching their retirement age must invest in real estate for financial security since average price of an acre of land in United States is continuously increasing . He also provides evidence by citing figures that the current price of land is 50 times to what it was in 1970 and nearly 200 times to what it was in 1920.Though his claim may well have a merit, the author of the personal section of a popular magazine presents a poorly reasoned argument, and also based solely on the evidence the author offers, we can accept his argument as valid.

The primary issue with the argument is that he is advising his reader to heavily invest in the real estate. We are well aware of the fact that the real estate prices are indeed rising but there are other liabilities too with a common man. He has to also think for his child's marriage and his education. A major portion of his savings goes in spending in those liabilities. Also it is sufficient for a person to have one home. Hence, the author makes several assumptions that remain unproven.

The secondary issue with the advice of the author is that even if one invests heavily in real estate . He has to take home loans. The home loan rates have increased so heavily that it really puts a hole in your pocket. if a person is not able to fulfill the amount, the bank has full rights to take the home as its own property. If God forbids, something happens to that person, his whole family is burdened with more financial pressures.Hence, the author's premises, the basis for his argument, lacks any evident support and render his
conclusion as unacceptable.

The tertiary issue is with the evidences provided by the author to make his argument as valid. He cited figures that the current price of land is 50 times to what it was in 1970 and nearly 200 times to what it was in 1920 . The author fails to understand that the value of currency has also appreciated in many fold from 1920 to the present year 2012. There is no reason to compare the prices with the present year to 90 year old or 40 year old price.The author hence weakens his argument by making assumptions and failing to provide explication of the links between the price rates of land between 2012 and 1920 or 2012 and 1970.

While the author has several key issues in his argument, that is not to say that his argument is completely baseless. The author should have presented the whole picture. he should have mentioned the regions where prices of land are currently low and if purchased would help tremendously to the people by their retirement age.Hence with proper research and clarification , the author can improve his argument significantly.

In sum, the authors' illogical argument is based on the unsupported premises and unsubstantiated assumptions that render his conclusion as invalid. It has overlooked the above addressed points If the author of the personal finance section of the popular magazine truly hopes to change his readers' mind on the issue, he would have to largely restructure his argument, fix the flaws in his logic, clearly explicate his assumptions, and provide evident support.Without these few things, his poorly reasoned argument is likely to convince few people.

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by KapTeacherEli » Mon Jun 25, 2012 8:16 pm
Hi arunima,

I would give this essay a 4.

You have some good things going for you. Your points are good-in particular, you catch the major flaw, which is that the author fails to account for inflation. Your organization, specifically your paragraphing, shows an understanding of the question type. And you also present solid examples, such as the concerns of retirees with their finances.

However, several things hold you back. You need to watch your grammar, as many of your sentences don't sound quite natural. In particular, watch your keywords. One noticable misuse is in your second sentence where you say "He also provides evidence..." There is no "also" there, making the keyword jarring. Another that's particularly challenging is your "tertiary" issue. "Tertiary" doesn't just mean third-- it means "third most important." This is inaccurate, because inflation is in fact the single biggest flaw!

Still, you made a good effort with the argument. Well done--let me know how else I can help!

Regards,
Eli Meyer
Kaplan GMAT Teacher
Cambridge, MA
www.kaptest.com/gmat

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by arunima88 » Tue Jun 26, 2012 2:19 am
Thanks for your suggestions. Please suggest that how can I improve my grammar. Should i keep on writing.