Please rate my essay, thanks a lot!

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Please rate my essay, thanks a lot!

by Ethan34 » Wed Nov 16, 2011 2:57 pm
Here comes my first essay for the analysis of an argument.I will take GMAT in
a month. Those of you, who have time, can also make comments. Thank you so much
for your time and attention, best wishes!

"Last summer saw a 500% increase in tourism at the seaside resort, and the national economic situation is even more favorable this year. This summer's tourist boom will surely generate record revenues which will resolve our area's economic difficulties."


The author's argument suggests that tourism will provide high revenues to help the area on the coming summer. The better condition of the national economy is the evidence for this argument. Author fails to consider the other factors which can directly affect the tourism revenues for a certain area. National economy is not the only determinant of the success in terms of tourism. There are many other factors such as marketing, tourism trends, consumer behavior and the political situation.

A certain area might have more financial resources for a period of time but it is vital that how these financial resources are being spent to increase the attractiveness of the destination for tourism. Marketing is a very important process to increase the number of visitor for a certain destination. For instance, Egypt gained millions of tourists after the Hollywood movies which have stories taking place around the Pyramids.

The needs, wants and ideas of tourism consumers are always tend to change. Therefore it is important to follow the tourism trends to make better decisions about future. A destination, that is an area, might have a good economy but still it has to follow the trends to meet the needs of the tourism consumers.

Political stability of a destination has a direct influence on the tourism attractiveness of that destination. If an unexpected political situation rise in an area, the number of tourists, who are planning to visit that destination, will quickly decrease. Since there is a political instability in Greece, many tourists changed their travel plans they decided to travel the competitors of Greece, such as Italy and Turkey.

As a conclusion, it can be said that the argument of the author is weak and needs to consider other crucial factors. The increase of tourism revenues can not only caused by national economic situation. A good marketing strategy, following the tourism trends and consumer behaviors and political stability are also needed for it.
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by throughmba » Fri Nov 18, 2011 6:02 am
to help the area on the coming summer
in the coming summer
or on the coming of summer
National economy is not the only determinant of the success in terms of tourism.
in terms of is inappropriate.
A certain area might have more financial resources for a period of time
may have
Marketing is a very important process to increase the number of visitor
visitors
Egypt gained millions of tourists after the Hollywood movies which have stories taking place around the Pyramids
wrong construction
The needs, wants and ideas of tourism consumers are always tend to change.
consumers tend to change
weird sentence
A destination, that is an area, might have a good economy but still it has to follow the trends to meet the needs of the tourism consumers.

?? verbose
A destination, that is an area sounds weird

I would say its a 4.
You have good skills but you seem to be rusty.
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by Ethan34 » Sat Nov 19, 2011 12:55 am
You are so right dear Alex, it is so obvious that i had some timing
problems. It's great that this didn't happen on the test day and i have a chance
to have this experience here! I will work on essays and read more essay writing
strategies on this great forum. Then i am planning to send a new essay in which i hope
that i will write more and make less mistakes :) Thanks a lot for the support! Very best!

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by Jim@Grockit » Sun Nov 20, 2011 11:44 pm
I thought it was well-organized. If you give yourself even 1 minute at the end to proofread, you will catch many of those small typos and mistakes that happen to everyone.