Please rate my introductory paragraph for an essay I have to do. Suggestions Welcome Thanks!
Dear State Legislature,
The effect of fluorocarbons on air quality and the environment has been brought to my attention. We cannot let these things continue going on. It is sure to cost us in the end. After much research, I have concluded that humans need to stop using fluorocarbons and find an alternative for them. It is up to you to make a difference that will benefit generations to come.
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throughmba
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A very simple start with a purpose. May add a little pomp to make it noticeable.
This makes you look like a president. You may tone down a little.The effect of fluorocarbons on air quality and the environment has been brought to my attention.
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"Regardless of who you are or what you have been, You can make what you want to be."
The No. 1 B-School Admission Consulting of U.K. is now the most Affordable.
https://throughmba.com
email : [email protected]
Alex Wilkins
Senior Admission Consultant, ThroughMBA.com
Panelist | MBA Admissions Achievers Meet
Interviewer | MIT Sloan | Former
Management Consultant | McKinsey & Company | Former
"Regardless of who you are or what you have been, You can make what you want to be."
