please rate my essay

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please rate my essay

by ravinash » Sun Feb 14, 2010 9:29 am
The following is a recommendation from the manager of Family Friendly Restaurant:

" Family Friendly Restaurant needs to improve its facility to remain competitive in our city ' s restaurant market. Mega-Family Restaurant, recently opened in a suburb of our city, offers a video arcade, fine wood furniture, and seven big-screen televisions. Due to a recession in our town, people report having less discretionary income for eating out. Therefore, if we are to hold our share of a shrinking restaurant market, we need to offer at least all of the features of Mega-Family Restaurant. "


Response

The arguement concludes that in order for Family Friendy Restaurants to maintains it share of the market it should offer at least all the features offered by the Mega - Family Restaurant which recently oppened in the suburb of the city. By saying this the manager of the family friendly restaurant is suggesting that their restaurant should invest in the fine-wood furniture, seven big screen televesion and offer video arcade and other features currently avaialable at the Mega-family restaurant. The argument is full of gaps and loopholes since it present fragementry evidencve. Neither are the premises is strong enough nor is the conclusion compelling.

First of all the, the arguement does not state if the Mega-family restaurant is in direct competion with the family friendly restaurant. The argument does not provide any information regarding the type of customes both the restaurant attact. The argument states that the mega-family restaurant is located in the suburbs, it does not say how the restaurants are from each other. The location of the restaurant is most likely to affect family frindly resaturants market share. Sice it fails to make any direct relation with the mega family restaurant, information about the mega family is irrelavant.

Furthurmore the argument hastly assume that in order to staty competive and hold on the current market share the restaurant , they need to invest in the furniture, television etc. It undermines the importance other feature which are more important to attact customes to the restaurant, such as customer service, quality of food, variety of food and the environtment at the restaurant.

The third most important resaon why the argument is not strong is because the it fails to make a connection between the low income of the people due to recession with the market share of the restaurant. If instead of investing in the furniture and offering features similar to mega family restaura, Family Friendy reduces it prices as compared to the Mega Family restaurant it will attract more customers resulting in an increase in not only maiting it current market but will be possible to increse its share than what it had before.

The argument is the result of huge speculation in whic the author has comfortably assumes that the offering feature similar to the Mega family restaurant will result in the maintantence of the cutrrent market share of their customes. Without futhur data and compelling evidenc e the argument lack its base and should not be cinsidered.

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by Osirus@VeritasPrep » Tue Feb 16, 2010 8:50 am
"The arguement concludes that in order for Family Friendy Restaurants to maintains"

its maintain not maintains in this case.

"The argument is full of gaps and loopholes"
say that the argument is full of holes not loopholes. Loopholes has a different connotation.

"Neither are the premises is strong enough nor is the conclusion compelling. "

As it stands this is a fragment.

"First of all the, the arguement does not state if the Mega-family restaurant is in direct competion with the family friendly restaurant."
You would use "whether" instead of "if" in this scenario

"information about the mega family is irrelavant. "
the information is far from irrelevant, you just need the author to provide additional details in order to better evaluate his argument.

"Furthurmore the argument hastly assume"

This part should read: "Furthermore, the argument hastily assumes"

"It undermines the importance other feature which"

you need to say "features" you need a singular verb since importance is a singular subject. Also, you would want to use "that" instead of "which" since we don't know which features you are referring to.

"The third most important resaon why the argument is not strong is because"

"is because" is ALWAYS wrong.

"The argument is the result of huge speculation in whic the author has comfortably assumes that the offering feature similar to the Mega family restaurant will result in the maintantence of the cutrrent market share of their customes"

This is a pretty bad sentence. Reword it.
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