City of Helios - Argument [Please provide feedback]

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The following appeared as part of an article in a magazine devoted to regional life:

"Corporations should look to the city of Helios when seeking new business opportunities or a new location. Even in the recent recession, Helios's unemployment rate was lower than the regional average. It is the industrial center of the region, and historically it has provided more than its share of the region's manufacturing jobs. In addition, Helios is attempting to expand its economic base by attracting companies that focus on research and development of innovative technologies."

Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.

The author concludes that corporations should look to the city of Helios when seeking new business opportunities or new location. The author's line of reasoning is that the Helios's unemployment rate was lower than the regional average and the city is also attempting to expand its economic base by attracting companies that focus on research and development on innovative technologies. The author's recommendation seems to be questionable for two reasons.

First of all, the author assumes that the corporation move to Helios as its unemployment rate is lower than the regional average. However, the big corporations who would be interested in hiring thousands of people might not be interested in moving to Helios because the unemployment rate is lower than the regional average the big corporations. Moreover, the author mentions that Helios has provided more than its share of manufacturing jobs, but the author recommends all the corporations to look to the city of Helios. The author's recommendation and conclusion does not go hand in hand and raises several doubts.

Secondly, the author fails to consider that the city of Helios may not suit all type of businesses. For example, the city might be the best city for manufacturing jobs but the city might not be well suited for sales and marketing jobs. The author needs to demonstrate that the city is suited to all types of businesses and the new corporations seeking a move to the city will be able to achieve their desired goals. Because the author's argument fails to identify the type of businesses that will gain by moving to Helios, it is impossible to assess the persuasiveness of the argument.

In conclusion, the argument is questionable as it stands. The author needs to provide additional evidence that the city of Helios is well suited for all type of businesses and that despite the lower unemployment rate large corporations will get sufficient number of people to hire. Without this additional evidence the argument lacks several key issues that could make the argument more thorough and convincing.

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by Osirus@VeritasPrep » Thu Feb 04, 2010 7:28 am
"The author concludes that corporations should look to the city of Helios when seeking new business opportunities or new location."
"change to "or a new location"

"The author's recommendation seems to be questionable for two reasons. "
Be more definitive, say that the author's recommendation is questionable.

"First of all, the author assumes that the corporation move to Helios as its unemployment rate is lower than the regional average."

This should be reworded. You should say something like, "The first questionable premise that the author uses is that he assumes that because the unemployment rate in Helio's was lower than the regional average in the past that this implies that the Helio's economy will remain stronger than other economies in the future. This is a questionable assumption, and corporations should not base a relocation decision on this assumption."

"However, the big corporations who would be interested in hiring thousands of people might not be interested in moving to Helios because the unemployment rate is lower than the regional average the big corporations."
Wrong modifier, say "the big corporations THAT" rather than "who".

The entire first paragraph needs to be rewritten. Your argument needs to be clearer. You need to give solid logic as to why the author's argument is flawed, or you need to provide examples explaining how similar circumstances in the past did not have a favorable result for corporations that relocated to places like Helios.

The second paragraph is flawed because the author does indeed specifiy the types of corporations that he believes would do well (companies that focus on research and development that would complement the manufacturing industry which is already strong in the city).

Write this same essay again, and I'll critique it next week.