Please review my essay - I'll return the favor of course :)

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Hi all,

This one is the Analysis of An Issue Essay, from the Kaplan 2011 text. Appreciate if you could take a look and poll below what you think my score might be.
And yes, I'll return you the favor too, thanks!

Issue:
"The invention of the Internet has created more problems than it has solved. Most people would have a higher quality of life had the Internet never been invented."

Response:

The topic of discussion is with relation to the stand, that the invention of the internet has created more problems than it has solved. This essay would show how this is not the case, and make arguments for the contrary, citing examples showing how the Internet has solved more problems than it has created. By doing so, the Internet has in turn, elevated the quality of life for most people.
The first key problem that the Internet has solved is to related with the access to information that the Internet has provided. The world has moved from times of the Industrial Revolution and is now looking towards the next key resource, which is information. Knowledge has proved in numerous instances to allow societies to advance. For example, the understanding of medicine in Medieval Europe has extended the lifespan of people there. Access of this information granted to people living in other parts of the world would allow them to also apply this same knowledge, and thus live longer as well. With the Internet, knowledge is easily shared globally, allowing people everywhere to access different portals of information with general ease. In today's case, some doctors enlist the use of the Internet to share developments during a surgery, allowing medical students worldwide access to this knowledge, which would have been impossible without the Internet. Furthermore, the Internet has also facilitated the spread of news across the world. By doing so, people connected to the Internet are aware of the happenings everywhere, and able to react accordingly, when they have to do so. For example, a logistics manager is able to respond quickly to changes in his supplier's stocks by just connecting to the Internet and studying the stocks available.
Secondly, the Internet has revolutionized the way human beings communicate. By connecting to the world-wide web, people can now correspond easily with each other, by emailing, or other social network domains. This opens up a whole range of actions that would have never been possible without the Internet. People logged on are now able to share experiences, photographs, or even discuss about their favorite food recipes. This brings people living apart closer together, facilitating the human experience of bonding together. The ease of communication today also has practical implications in transportation as well as when emergencies happen. For example the internet allows travelers to make travel plans with ease, and delays or faults with any transportation mode are communicated in advance for travelers to plan for contingencies. Huge casualties caused by natural disasters could also be avoided by timely communication, which is facilitated by the use of the Internet.
However, the internet also does present some disadvantages. For example, the invasion of privacy has been often discussed as a negative point about the Internet. By logging on to the world-wide web, strangers are able to view other people's profiles, or look up where a particular person studied and worked. While the invasion of privacy can be viewed as the creation of a problem, this can be easily circumvented. Social networking domains such as Facebook give users the ability to restrict the access to which their profiles could be viewed.
In conclusion, the Internet has actually solved many problems that human beings were previously grappling with. By solving problems with lack of information and barriers in communication that were often faced in the past, the Internet has also elevated the quality of life of human beings. Should it have not been invented, society in general and its progress would have been a lot slower.


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Cheers,
Gurpreet Singh

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