please review my awa

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please review my awa

by letsbeatgmat21 » Thu Apr 23, 2015 11:41 am
Topic :
The following appeared in an announcement issued by the publisher of The Mercury, a weekly newspaper:
"Since a competing lower-priced newspaper, The Bugle, was started five years ago, The Mercury's circulation has
declined by 10,000 readers. The best way to get more people to read The Mercury is to reduce its price below
that of The Bugle, at least until circulation increases to former levels. The increased circulation of The Mercury will
attract more businesses to buy advertising space in the paper."
Discuss how well reasoned ... etc.

AWA Essay :

The following argument is flawed for numerous reasons. Primarily, the argument is based on the unwarranted assumption that the Mercury's circulation has declined due to lower price alternative, rendering its main conclusion, that lowering the Mercury's price will increase circulation, invalid.

The argument fails to provide any explanation on how circulation declined because of lower price alternative. For one, dramatic increase in circulation of the Bugle and similar lower price newspapers could justify the claim. Also, no difference in the kind and quality of news items between the two newspapers could further justify how lower price could be a main cause for decline in circulation numbers.

The argument also fails to analyze several other factors that could lead to the decline in circulation numbers. For instance, the readers of the newspapers may have moved to other alternatives like online media from print media. This would have led to an overall decrease in the circulation numbers for all the newspapers including the Bugle and the Mercury. Also, the population of the city may have declined over the years due to other factors like emigration, etc.

Finally, the argument claims without warrant that lowering price would increase circulation that would in turn attract advertisers. It could be possible that advertisers are also refraining from print media and television and other media seems cheaper to them as well as reaches more audience. Even the increase in circulation could not be able to match that.

Because the argument makes several unwarranted assumptions, it fails to make a convincing case that lowering the Mercury's price would in turn increase its circulation and attract advertisers

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by [email protected] » Fri Apr 24, 2015 11:14 am
Hi letsbeatgmat21,

I think the "template" you've used here is good. You've used the opening paragraph to establish your stance, followed that by including three supporting arguments/examples, and then reinforced your argument in the closing paragraph. However, here are a few things to consider:

1) The opening sentence is somewhat casual in nature. It actually sounds similar to how you'd open a conversation with an acquaintance. In your next draft, try coming up with an opening sentence that delivers a bit more impact.
2) Many of your sentences are fairly long. Using your opening paragraph again as an example, I was a bit surprised to find that it was only two sentences long. Consider shortening your sentences. There's nothing wrong with using multiple sentences that are grammatically correct to get a point across. In fact, relying too heavily on commas can often lead to run-on sentences.
3) Again, try to stay professional throughout. I often advise students not to use "etc.," especially at the end of a sentence. While this is perfectly fine in casual conversation and even an occasional email, if there are additional thoughts, write them out. Don't leave the reader wondering what the "etc" actually means.

Happy to elaborate further here. Best of luck.