please review my awa

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please review my awa

by letsbeatgmat21 » Thu Apr 23, 2015 11:41 am
Topic :
The following appeared in an announcement issued by the publisher of The Mercury, a weekly newspaper:
"Since a competing lower-priced newspaper, The Bugle, was started five years ago, The Mercury's circulation has
declined by 10,000 readers. The best way to get more people to read The Mercury is to reduce its price below
that of The Bugle, at least until circulation increases to former levels. The increased circulation of The Mercury will
attract more businesses to buy advertising space in the paper."
Discuss how well reasoned ... etc.

AWA Essay :

The following argument is flawed for numerous reasons. Primarily, the argument is based on the unwarranted assumption that the Mercury's circulation has declined due to lower price alternative, rendering its main conclusion, that lowering the Mercury's price will increase circulation, invalid.

The argument fails to provide any explanation on how circulation declined because of lower price alternative. For one, dramatic increase in circulation of the Bugle and similar lower price newspapers could justify the claim. Also, no difference in the kind and quality of news items between the two newspapers could further justify how lower price could be a main cause for decline in circulation numbers.

The argument also fails to analyze several other factors that could lead to the decline in circulation numbers. For instance, the readers of the newspapers may have moved to other alternatives like online media from print media. This would have led to an overall decrease in the circulation numbers for all the newspapers including the Bugle and the Mercury. Also, the population of the city may have declined over the years due to other factors like emigration, etc.

Finally, the argument claims without warrant that lowering price would increase circulation that would in turn attract advertisers. It could be possible that advertisers are also refraining from print media and television and other media seems cheaper to them as well as reaches more audience. Even the increase in circulation could not be able to match that.

Because the argument makes several unwarranted assumptions, it fails to make a convincing case that lowering the Mercury's price would in turn increase its circulation and attract advertisers


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by [email protected] » Thu Apr 23, 2015 8:21 pm
Hello letsbeatgmat21,

You seem to have accidentally posted this essay five times in the forum! I'll review the latest version.

Writing: I only noticed a few writing errors, but I do suggest changing up your sentence structure. All of your sentences are nearly the same length, and adding in some shorter/longer ones will help keep the reader engaged.

Structure: You need to write more! Aim for three solid body paragraphs (or at least two longer ones), along with a strong intro and conclusion. Your intro is weak and doesn't immediately summarize the author's argument. The conclusion needs to be lengthened and given more detail.

Arguments/Examples: Your first two body paragraphs seem to have the same basic idea: the author doesn't provide evidence/consider reasons why circulation declined. You could combine these two paragraphs and then extend your last body paragraph. I do like the flaw you point out with the argument about advertising (your final body paragraph), but it was not developed enough.

Suggestions for Improvement: Add some length to your essay by fully developing your examples. Make sure that your intro and conclusion are strong and connected to the prompt. I think that this essay would get something close to a three: points were lost for the length, insufficiently developed examples, and weak intro/conclusion. Try writing a few more practice essays before test day. If you have any specific questions, please let me know.

Katharine Rudzitis - BA
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