Please Rate My Analysis of Argument

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Rate my essay

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Total votes: 0

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Please Rate My Analysis of Argument

by gmoney » Thu Aug 13, 2009 5:05 pm
Wrote it while taking a practice test on PR

“Manned space flight is costly and dangerous. Moreover, the recent success of a series of unmanned space probes and satellites has demonstrated that a great deal of useful information can be gathered without the costs and risks associated with sending men and women into space. Therefore, we should invest our resources in unmanned space flight.”


The argument presented advocating the use of unmanned space flights over manned space flights includes evidence of recent probes and satellites that were able to provide useful information. The costs and risks of the unmanned space flight were less than the those of the manned space flights. The conclusion drawn by the author is based on unsupported evidence as well as a lack of additional information to help substantiate the conclusion.

The main issue with the argument is the premises used in support of the argument. The author claims that the unmanned probes provided useful information, but it is unknown whether the information gathered was on par with expectations set of what the space center was seeking or whether the information provided the same knowledge gained from manned space flights.

The second issue of the argument comes from the underlying assumption. The conclusion comes based on a series of unmanned probes and satellites compared to years of manned space flights. The argument does not consider whether the initial costs of implementing probes and satellites as well as maintenance of those objects will create the same level of cost that manned space flights create.

In order for the author to substantiate his conclusion, additional pieces of information and evidence are needed to help strengthen the argument.
The argument needs to provide evidence to show whether the unmanned space flights presented the same dangers and resource needs as those presented in the manned space flight. For example, the manned space flights could have been mini-studies that required a small amount of resources while the actual manned flights involved a more comprehensive study that required more resources. With knowledge of the objectives set for the unmanned flight and manned space, the information gathered can be thoroughly evaluated and a better comparison made on the success.

In sum, the argument presents strong information, but the author needs to provide additional evidence in order to come to the conclusion that resources be invested in unmanned space flights rather than manned space flights.

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by myohmy » Fri Aug 14, 2009 9:59 am
Looks familiar =)

I think this is a strong essay that would earn you a score of a 5. The main thing I would think would push it from 6.0 to 5.0 is your justifications -- for instance:

The main issue with the argument is the premises used in support of the argument. The author claims that the unmanned probes provided useful information, but it is unknown whether the information gathered was on par with expectations set of what the space center was seeking or whether the information provided the same knowledge gained from manned space flights.

You are missing just one key sentence here -- "This creates a problem because..." the author does not account for the missing information, or whatever you need there. You have the info, you're just not explicitly stating the position and on the GMAT, you need to be explicitly.

Not sure if this is a formatting issue, but your "strengthen" section is broken up into two paragraphs -- is that intentional? I really think it should all be in one paragraph.

Another minor issue is your conclusion:

In sum, the argument presents strong information...

This sounds a little too positive (after all, you've just spent an essay proving that they don't have strong enough information!). It's an easy fix though, just insert the word "some" before strong and you're golden.

So pretty much just explicitly state the issues with premises/assumptions at the end of the paragraph, as well as the beginning. Otherwise, I think this is a strong essay (but I'm biased). Good luck!