my first essay ; can someone rate this please ?

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Hi,

This is my first essay; I'll take the GMAT on the 08/24/2007 and I would like to know what is my current level. If someone could give me some advice, it would be nice.

Thanks

In some countries, television and radio programs are carefully censored for offensive language and behaviour. In others countries, there’s little or no censorship.
In your view, to which extent should government or any other group be able to censor TV or radio programs ? Explain, giving relevant reasons and/or examples to support your position.

Since the beginning of the 19th century, governments and philosophers have to deal with the issue of the censorship of press. The existence of mass medias such as radio and television has made this topic a central one of modern societies.

First of all, it is necessary that governments and national authorities have a power to censor televisions or radio programmes. One should not forget that the main aim of the state is to protect its citizens, and especially the weakest ones. It is therefore reassuring to know that some regulatory authority can prevent children from seeing pornographic or violent contents. Some TV or radio programs also endanger the dignity of men or women; money, for example, can wake people’s worse feelings and make grow hate between the protagonists of a game. We should also talk about the recent Dutch TV program, the Donor Show which shocked a great part of the audience by allowing the spectator to decide wether a candidate had to live or to die.

But, freedom of press is a sacred value of democracy and History has often showed that any damage made to it was the first of a long chain of dark events. Nazy Germany, for example, has reinforced its power on the citizens by implementing a strong censorship of all channels of information. State propaganda is nothing but the strongest form of censorship and can sometimes lead to war, by instilling hate, racism, violence in the thoughts of populations weakened by economic crisis of war defeat.

In fact, “good” censorship is described in regard of the principles most shared amongst the citizens of a country at a definite moment. It must agree with common values of ethics and respect, able to change with time. Regulatory authorities are necessary and total liberalization of the TV and radio programmes is non-sensed, but it is the citizens’ responsibility to find the acceptable level of censorship.

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by beny » Sun Jul 29, 2007 11:14 pm
Poor command of the English language.
Did not take a stance on the issue (argued both sides).
Examples presented were limited.

I'd give it a 2.