GMAT Essays (AWA)

The prompt:

The following appeared as part of an article reviewing summer camps for children.

Parents, if you need a summer camp for your children look no further than Federville Farms. In a recent survey, Federville Farms ranked first in both overall camper satisfaction and in food quality, and second in the variety of outdoor activities. Federville Farms has been family owned and operated for over forty years, so you have nothing to worry about when it comes to your child's safety, and it employs more Red Cross certified lifeguards than any other camp in the state. If you seek the best camp experience for your children, Federville Farms is the best choice you can make.


My answer to the prompt:

The argument about having a swell camp experience is flawed by not discussing about other activities that could be of immense value to campers. Although, Federville farms ranked first in both overall camper's satisfaction and food quality and second in the variety of outdoor activities, for a proper and sound decision to be taken with respect to where one's children are to camp other activities also have to be considered.
The activities could include indoor games which could be used to stimulate children's brain during the camping period, children lectures and seminars discussion around academics success, peer group and peer pressure, puberty age and if possible GMAT related issues etc can also be discussed. These would create opportunities for introverted children to talk either in groups or openly.
Issues around disable children seemed not to have been considered at all in the above argument, and this is a major issue for parents of disable children when considering location for camping, how safe and protected are their children are issues that would be on the mind of the parents of disable children and this will go a long way to determine where their children would camp, disable children need special consideration and should be treated with care.
Also, with respect to safety, although there is(are) red cross certified lifeguards, this is a good consideration, but one also needs to be security conscious. Security seemed not to have been factored into the argument above and this is a flaw in the reasoning, with the rising number of kidnapping and terrorists attack all over the places, one needs to be more conscious about place(s) where children are camping.
Apart from having lifeguards around the camp, security personnel such as police, sheriffs could be engaged to be in charge of security activities and surveillance.

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