GMAT Essays (AWA)

ESSAY QUESTION:
"Poor health and high stress levels diminish the productivity of today's office workers. In order to maximize profits, companies need to provide white-collar employees with free exercise facilities and free wellness classes."

In your opinion, how accurate is the view expressed above? Use reasons and/or examples from your own experience, observations, or reading to develop your position.

YOUR RESPONSE:
The author stated that the White collar employees should be provided with exercise facilities and wellness classes to ensure that the stress and poor health issues do not impact the productivity. The current work culture of the white collar employees keeps them busy all throughout the day which results in stress and other health problems in the long run. The net result is impact on productivity.
I agree with the author on this issue.

The Chief reason for my view is that the I have been in the situation myself. The job demands a lifestyle with complete focus on and stress all throughout the time spent in office. Regular late working and no proper timing for food results in stress. Basically the work load is so strong at times that there is absolutely no time to take rest and socialize. Providing these wellness classes will at least make people understand the significance of the rest that the body needs. It will also indirectly make people realize of the bad consequences that they might have to face if they continue with this on the long run.

The other reason for my view is that the time spent with their families reduces due to continuous work which further leads to more stress and personal issues. Providing a gym to the employee and other wellness classes will ensure that these facilities can be utilized. Since the facilities will be within office premises much time would not be wasted to complete the same. In fact all employee must be asked to spend some hours in the gym as a mandate. this would ensure that they take adequate care of their health.

Ultimately, it all boils down to productivity. The productivity of an employee depends on his well being and his health. If an employee is doing well for himself then he would definitely do well for the Company. Each Company should think about this and provide all its employees with wellness classes and gym for personal benefits. In the end, a healthy and stress free employee leads to a healthy and stress free company.

Overall you have a solid grasp of the structure of an Issue essay; it is in the details that you could improve it. Both details in the intro and conclusion,and details in the body paragraphs would make this essay stronger.

Details in the intro/conclusion are the things you're going to say (intro) and just said (conclusion). Note how my previous paragraph alluded to details in the intro without explaining it extensively; that's what you want to consider doing in your own intro paragraph. The intro paragraph would then read something like: [summary of issue][I agree/disagree][my reasons are (body paragraph 1 summary)(body paragraph 2 summary)]. If you have outlined your essay before you begin writing, it is trivial to include this information. Say it again in the conclusion for maximum emphasis.

Details in the body paragraphs are what makes your essays stand out over those of others. You mention in your first paragraph that you yourself know what it's like to have been overworked, but then don't say anything more -- tell a one-sentence story about it! One sentence, like "I realized I had been working too hard when I found myself eating a stick of butter out of the office refrigerator at 8pm one night, because I'd been too stressed and busy to eat normally." I just made that up and it might be a bit extreme, but you can see how a single-sentence detailed example for each of your body paragraphs can really make the essay better and more real.

Overall I'd rate it a 4.0; you have a solid basis for the essay, but it does look like you wrote it as you typed it -- body paragraph 2 wanders from family to gym usage to time wasted to mandatory fitness. Consider spending 45 seconds outlining your topics and supporting details before you start typing.