Sentence Correction

Hi,

I was writing a 'why should we choose you' letter and I thought of the GMAT exercises of SC. How would the following sentence be correct?

Even more so when it comes to celebrating the worldwide effort of <the company X> towards a more efficient corporate ecosystem, where talking about business and socializing will merge into an unforgettable evening.

That where seems to reference to 'the corporate ecosystem', but if I write 'an event where' and then keep the sentence as it is, the unforgettable evening sounds strange and it should be turned into 'an event where... will merge unforgettably' or something like that. Is there a way to save this sentence by changing the where for a when or any other connectors?

Thanks !

lolwot wrote:Hi,

I was writing a 'why should we choose you' letter and I thought of the GMAT exercises of SC. How would the following sentence be correct?

Even more so when it comes to celebrating the worldwide effort of <the company X> towards a more efficient corporate ecosystem, where talking about business and socializing will merge into an unforgettable evening.

That where seems to reference to 'the corporate ecosystem', but if I write 'an event where' and then keep the sentence as it is, the unforgettable evening sounds strange and it should be turned into 'an event where... will merge unforgettably' or something like that. Is there a way to save this sentence by changing the where for a when or any other connectors?

Thanks !

How about this?

"Even more so when it comes to an unforgettable evening of talking business and socializing, celebrating the worldwide efforts of company X towards a more efficient corporate ecosystem."