GMAT Essays (AWA)

ESSAY QUESTION:
The following appeared in The Homebuilder magazine, a local publication with a focus on construction and sale of real-estate properties:

"According to the most recent survey of our readers, nearly 70% of the respondents indicated that they are planning to build or purchase a new home over the next 2 years. These results indicate that the growth in the construction industry is likely to accelerate in the near future. Therefore, this industry continues to offer lucrative opportunities for investment."

Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. Point out flaws in the argument's logic and analyze the argument's underlying assumptions. In addition, evaluate how supporting evidence is used and what evidence might counter the argument's conclusion. You may also discuss what additional evidence could be used to strengthen the argument or what changes would make the argument more logically sound.

YOUR RESPONSE:
Purchasing a house is one of the most important dream in every person's life. It helps both as an investment and as an asset. The Real estate market provides us with multiple houses to select on based on our needs and budget. In the preceeding statement the author claims that the real estate industry would accelerating in the coming 2 years. Though the author must have had his won valid points to reach this conclusion, the argument is poorly reasoned based on several questionable premises and assumptions.

The primary issue with the argument is that it fails to consider the external factors that might effect this conclusion. The recession which hit the markets in 2006 is a clear example of the same. The markets all around the world were hit by recession, people were loosing their jobs and no one wanted to invest. A recession might come in at an unexpected time, forcing people to hold nack on their dreams and making them save money for unexpected problems.

The secondary issue with the argument is that the conclusion is based merely on a survey. Though majoriy people express the desire to purchase a house in the future it does not mean that they would be doing it. There would be many in the survey which would be planning the same for the past multiple years.

The argument is based on the assumption that at least a certain majority of the people answering to survey will go ahead and by their house in the next 2 years. The argument also assumes that there would be no external influences that would make them go back on their decision to buy this house.

The author could have improved the reasoning in the argument significantly by stating that the market has just recovered from a recent recession which is unlikely to surface in the next few years. He could have also mentioned that all those who participated in the survey have been true to thie plans and will stick to the same. These points would have ensured that the arguments is strong.

In Sum, the authors argument is based on weak premises and assumptions. If the author truly hopes to change the shape of this argument then he would have to strengthen the argument with more concrete premises and strong assumptions. He would have to provide evidence to support the premises. Without these his argument is unlikely to convince people.

Good essay!

The most important point first: every Argument essay is going to have large flaws (100% of the time, otherwise there is no point in having people write essays), so it is good to spend as little time talking about the fact that the argument lacks something, and better to spend time talking about what specifically it lacks. You do a decent job of this (though also use what I mentioned in your Issue essay, about "previewing" topics in your intro).

You do a good job of using specific, real-world examples in this essay. Examples are the spices that differentiate one competent essay from another, so make sure you have enough.

I suspect you also wrote this one as you typed, because you use the same "flaw" in two different paragraphs -- your first body paragraph and third body paragraph both say "well, this doesn't account for external forces that could make consumers act differently." I recommend outlining before you start writing to prevent this. The computer grader probably won't catch the repetition, but the human one surely will.

Attacking the results of surveys as possibly generally invalid ("well, it's just a survey, we'd want to know more to feel confident in its results") is always an option in argument essays with surveys, but it's not usually the best option. Use it when you can't think of what else to write. In this case, you would have been better off pointing out that "70% are planning to build or purchase a new home" does not mean there will be a boom for the construction industry, even if it is an understatement: if almost all those people are planning on buying new existing homes rather than building them, then there's almost no construction happening.

You should also take some time to proofread your essays when they're done. You've got some errors that take away from the readability of the essay. Two minutes of proofing at the end is plenty.

I would give this essay a ~4.0