GMAT Essays (AWA)

I would love feedback and/or a grade for my practice AWA. Thank you in advance!!

Topic: "Commuter use of the new subway train is exceeding the transit company's projections. However, commuter use of the shuttle buses that transport people to the subway station is below the projected volume. If the transit company expects commuters to ride the shuttle buses to the subway rather than drive there, it must either reduce the shuttle bus fares or increase the price of parking at the subway stations."

My Essay: The argument states that if the bus transit company would like to increase commuters using the bus to get to the subway station, it should either increase parking lot fares or decrease bus fares. This suggests that the price of both the parking lot and bus are reasonably comparable. If, for instance, the parking lot fares were already 5 times the costs of the bus fares, this would suggest that commuters are not deterred by the higher parking lot fares. The argument would benefit from including the current costs of the bus fares and the parking lot fares. This would provide evidence to support whether there a cost-benefit of using the bus instead of using a parking lot.

Further, the argument fails to consider other alternatives that could be contributing to commuters' preference for driving a car to the subway station instead of using the bus transit system to the subway system. One alternative could be that the timing of the bus transit system could misalign with that of the subway station. The bus transit system could have arrival and departure times that could cause excessive waiting or too little time to catch the subway. Another alternative could be that the bus transit system is overcrowded. The argument already suggests that the bus transit systems' usage has increased. Perhaps commuters are not using the bus transit system to get to the subway systems because there are not enough buses in route to accommodate all of the commuters. Instead of assuming that modifying pricing would increase the commuters using the subway system, the argument would benefit from a survey of subway commuters. This survey would ask subway commuters about the causes that would most likely cause them to switch from driving to the subway station and use the bus instead. A survey would provide identifiable evidence that the price of either subway fares or parking lot fares would impact their behavior, or it would provide identifiable evidence that other factors would be more likely to impact their behavior.

In conclusion, the argument lacks critical evidence to support its claim that adjusting the price of either the bus fare or parking lot fare would impact commuter behavior. If the price of the subway fare, the price of the bus fare, and a survey from subway commuters were provided, the argument would have conclusive evidence to support its claim.