GMAT Essays (AWA)

Question:

The Following Appeared in an article in a consumer-products magazine:

"Two of today's best-selling brands of full-strength prescription medication for the relief of excess stomach acid, Acid-Ease and Pepticaid, are now available in milder nonprescription forms. Doctors have written 76 million more prescriptions for full-strength Acid-Ease than for full-strength Pepticaid. So people who need an effective but milder nonprescription medication for the relief of excess stomach acid should choose Acid-Ease.:

Discuss how well reasoned.....

Two companies have recently converted their prescription drugs that relieve excess stomach acid to over-the-counter drugs. This passage claims that since more doctors chose to prescribe the prescription drug Acid-Ease, its over-the-counter drug must be more effective. This argument makes many assumptions that must be addressed in order to determine the validity of the argument. Firstly, the argument assumes that the conversion process of prescription to non-prescription did not alter the results and sides effects of the drugs. Secondly, the argument does not provide any medical reasoning for why the doctors chose Acid-Ease. And lastly, the argument assumes that 76 million people is a significant number.

Firstly, this passage implies that since doctors prescribed more Acid-Ease, it is more effective at relieving stomach acid. However, it fails to mention that quite often doctors are given incentives to prescribe certain drugs. Perhaps, the drug company has a deal with them to provide a particular kickback for every prescription.

Secondly, the passage fails to go into more detail regarding the statistics. Although it may seem that 76 million is an overwhelming number, it may not be. Companies often construct statistics in a certain way to make themselves look better. For example, if both products are world-wide, then the market consists of roughly 6 billion people, making the 76 million rather insignificant.

In order for the argument to better address which drug is more effective, it must include more information. The passage should include medical evidence and testing that proves that Acid-Ease is more effective. Perhaps, an experiment in which people are given either Acid-Ease or Pepticaid would be more convincing evidence. Furthermore, the number of people tested would provide a better understanding of how significant 76 million is. And lastly, the passage should address if any changes were made to the drug when converting it to an over-the-counter drug. Performing an experiment testing the effects before and after the conversion would help to answer this question.

In conclusion, although it is very possible that Acid-Ease is more effective than Pepticaid, the evidence provided is incomplete. The passage must explain why doctors made the decisions that they did and provide more medical evidence backing their claim.



P.S.
Writing has always been my weak point and I did do these under timed conditions. Any general pointers on grammar and how to speed things up would be appreciated. An opinion on its rating would be appreciated as well.

Thanks!

I would give this essay a 5. Just a few things need to be tweaked, but you are well on your way to a top scoring essay.

First off, make sure that every body paragraph is indeed a full paragraph. Tell us the flaw you are focusing on in the topic sentence, provide some evidence, provide a counterexample, and then tie it back to the thesis. For example, in the first body paragraph, something as simple as "Testimonials regarding the reasons for these doctor recommendations may bolster the argument, but currently it cannot stand" would be a nice way to tie things together.

The premise of your second body paragraph is okay, but you undermined yourself. Pay attention to the wording of the prompt: "76 million prescriptions have been written", not 76 million people have used it. You could have attacked this point -- 76 million prescriptions, but for how many people? And over how many years? That would have been a stronger point.

The first sentence of your third body paragraph could be stronger. A topic sentence should introduce a major flaw; "not having enough information" should simply be a running theme throughout the essay.

Here is a stronger body paragraph topic sentence:

"The argument notes that one medicine is stronger than the other, and therefore better, but the author omits crucial information proving these claims."

Thanks Jose!

I definitely agree that the third paragraph was rather weak. The time constraints really kill me on the AWA.

I will definitely take your advice into account when taking the GMAT (which is in less than a week).