MY FIRST ESSAY .please evaluate.:)

This topic has expert replies

rate it out of 6

6
0
No votes
5
0
No votes
4
1
25%
3
3
75%
2
0
No votes
1
0
No votes
 
Total votes: 4

Junior | Next Rank: 30 Posts
Posts: 11
Joined: Wed Feb 06, 2008 11:28 pm

MY FIRST ESSAY .please evaluate.:)

by boyara » Thu Feb 07, 2008 10:38 pm
MY FIRST ESSAY .PLEASE RATE AND BE FRANK .WANNA LEARN FOR MY MISTAKES.

ARGUMENT:
"multinational corporations shape and distorts cultural pattern in developing countries ,moreover Westernization is a treat to culture of non-western countries ."

The author's opinion that multinational corporations shape and distorts cultural pattern in developing countries ,moreover Westernization is a treat to culture of non-western countries is an interesting one . This opinion is appealing at the start but on closer scrunity it falls apart on many factors. I strongly disagree with the author's opinion . I consider this opinion of the author as a hasty generilization.

Now a question arises What exactly constitutes culture of a nation ? For instance I believe Indian culture includes respecting elders ,morality,believe and pray God and moreover there is no way Westernization would affect this culture .For instance Shivsena activists in India think that celeration of Valentines day is against Indian culture . However the same Shivsena party's leader had a huge birthday celeration and celebrating birthday is not an Indian culture either. I think multinational corporations helps in development of the economy . Furthermore changes the life style of the people but never distorts cultural pattern .

Considering the fact that as the passage of time the trends of the people of a nation keep changing,I do agree that economy increase is a major factor for this moderinization.For instance in Bangalore the growth of IT resulted in moderinization of city with incresing economy and consequent increase in number of malls ,fun zones .But generizing this as a threat to culture is wrong notion.For example even today the celeberation of Bangalore Habba is as grand as it was before with a pintch of mordernization in it.

Finally, I concluded multinational corporations are never a treat to the culture of non western counties.The argument is a result of speculation made by author based on assumptions on considerate amount of data .Incase the above factors considered then it would render the argument irrufitible. To sumup the opinion is just a hololistic picture of superflous claims being made .
Last edited by boyara on Fri Feb 08, 2008 4:58 am, edited 1 time in total.

Junior | Next Rank: 30 Posts
Posts: 11
Joined: Wed Feb 06, 2008 11:28 pm

by boyara » Thu Feb 07, 2008 11:21 pm
I know there a plently of spelling mistakes ,was in a hurry .Will work on it .

please rate it..thank you..

Master | Next Rank: 500 Posts
Posts: 147
Joined: Wed Apr 25, 2007 10:43 am
Location: New York, NY
Thanked: 19 times
Followed by:1 members

by parore26 » Fri Feb 08, 2008 8:10 am
There were lots of spelling mistakes but there were also a lot of grammatical errors. Where did you find this argument? The argument itself is laden with errors. I gave you a 3 because you took a side and presented specific examples against the argument and with your position.

One more thing, get right into the point with the very first sentence. Stating that an argument is "interesting" is neither here nor there. Pick a side and indicate it straightaway. Keep practicing.

Junior | Next Rank: 30 Posts
Posts: 11
Joined: Wed Feb 06, 2008 11:28 pm

by boyara » Sun Feb 10, 2008 8:17 pm
Thanks for the advice ..will work on it .