evaluate my anlysis of argument pl.

This topic has expert replies
Community Manager
Posts: 117
Joined: Tue Feb 27, 2007 11:49 pm
Thanked: 9 times

by pahwa » Wed Nov 07, 2007 7:57 pm
"flawed as discussed as follows."....as discussed below would be better, if at all, you sidh to write it this way. But, I would suggest, give a starting line as to why do u think there is a flaw in first paragraph itself.


"However there is no substantial information to state that the population of people who took part in the poll are the same." Do you think use of "population" is appropriate. Better to use NUMBER.

As I have mentioned in few of my previous posts, I feel that use of words "Firstly", "Secondly" etc isnt mature way of writting. This is my personal opinion. So, if you think there is nothing wrong, pls go ahead.

"decrease in people attending art museums". Again, you must have learnt in SC section while preparing, "People can not decrease....there "numbers" can.."
Again, just a thought, I feel "Visiting art museum" is better than "attending".

"In summary the author’s conclusion "...better to use "To summarize..."

These are few mistakes/suggestions that I have identified. Else, the content is fine.

Senior | Next Rank: 100 Posts
Posts: 45
Joined: Sun Oct 07, 2007 3:54 pm
Location: Seattle, WA
Thanked: 1 times

by yuri » Thu Nov 08, 2007 10:05 pm
Hey, I would've made the "strengthen" part into a separate paragraph. I've heard they really like it. Otherwise - good stuff. I should find the one I wrote - I found different flaws + yours, and I'd replace "Firstly," with "First, bla bla bla".