Please review my essay | urgent | GMAT approaching

[prachi18oct]

"People who use the artificial sweetener aspartame are better off consuming sugar,
since aspartame can actually contribute to weight gain rather than weight loss. For
example, high levels of aspartame have been shown to trigger a craving for food by
depleting the brain of a chemical that registers satiety, or the sense of being full.
Furthermore, studies suggest that sugars, if consumed after at least 45 minutes of
continuous exercise, actually enhance the body's ability to burn fat. Consequently,
those who drink aspartame-sweetened juices after exercise will also lose this
calorie-burning benefit. Thus it appears that people consuming aspartame rather
than sugar are unlikely to achieve their dietary goals."

Conclusion: The people consuming aspartame rather than sugar are unlikely to achieve their dietary goal.
Premise 1: Sapartame contributes to weight gain rather than weight loss: Example shown
Premise 2: Studies suggest that sugars are beneficial in burning calories if consumed after atleast 45 mins of exercise. So ppl having aspartame
lose this benefit.

The argument concludes that the people who consume aspartame rather than sugar are unlikely to achieve their dietary goals. The argument reasons that
high level of aspartame have been shown to trigger a craving for food and thus leads people into eating more food. Stated in this way,
the argument makes several unsubstantiated assumptions and fails to take into account other factors, which would be useful to evaluate it.

First, the author assumes that using artificial sweetener will lead to high levels of aspartame in body. However, if people use it in small amounts, then it is likely that the levels of aspartame will not necessarily be high and lead to food craving. The author fails to provide any evidence
that most people who use artificial sweetener use it in large amounts, which lead to its high levels in the body.

Second, the author again assumes that people who have a food craving will not be able to overcome their craving. It is also possible that such people take healthy and nutritious food when they crave. Eating more food does not necessarily lead to weight gain if it is taken in proper portions and with nutrients.
Also, the weight gain depends on the body's metabolism, the ability of a body to break food, which varies from person to person. Without any evidence that the
people will consume more unhealthy food in disproportionate amounts, this assumption is weak and flawed.

Moreover, the author mentions a study result that eating sugar after atleast 45 minutes of exercise will enhance the body's ability to burn fat.
There is no mention of the source of this study and its credibility. Without evaluating whether the study is reliable and is based on sample representative of population, the author fails to make a strong case. Also, if most people are not aware of this study result and they consume sugars within 45 minutes
of exercise, the supposedly calorie-burning benefit will be lost to them as well. In addition, the author does not mention any effect of aspartame and so it is unreasonable to assume that the latter will not have any other benefit over sugar.

In sum, the author has presented a weak and unconvincing argument which is open to debate. However, the argument can be strengthened if the author
provides evidence to bolster the above assumptions. The author will have to provide evidence that that people who consume aspartame always take it in large amounts. The author will also have to provide the calorie benefit comparison of sugars and aspartame.
Lacking such evidence, one is left that the claims made by author are more of a wishful thinking rather than substantive evidence.

[prachi18oct]

Can anyone review please.
I have my test scheduled next week.
Any pointers would be helpful.